Out of the Frying Pan
by paulacole
Summary: Very dark, very angsty, don't read and then complain that your sensibilities have been offended! SanDan, for those of you that stick it out to see it through :p
1. Chapter 1

Out of the Frying Pan 

Set after Hathor. Very dark, my darkest fic so far, very raunchy, very angsty, but most particularly, VERY DARK! Don't read and then complain if it's not your thing! SamDan, of course! Feedback welcome.

And I am in no way affiliated with MGM, the SciFi channel or anyone affiliated with Stargate. I write for my own pleasure and anyway, I'm a poverty-stricken student, it's not worth suing me over.

_This is a story idea that's been in my head for a while now but I was unsure how to tackle the issue of male rape. I have decided to go ahead of it because I got positive reviews for my portrayal of the quasi-rape scene in 'The Dorsa'. For those of you familiar with my work, there is nothing in here more graphic then in my previous stories, and usually is much less graphic. If a moderator considers it too heavy for this site, I will accept that decision, but anyone else, if you've read this warning and gone ahead anyway, it's your own fault if your sensibilities are offended. _

Chapter One 

She had been concerned about him, although she hadn't expected him to fall apart the way he did. It wasn't like equally crazy things hadn't happened to them. He personally had seen his wife become a Goa'uld host, had been killed by Apophis's men and revived by the Nox and reverted to an animal-like state So being drugged into having sex with a Goa'uld queen so she could use his DNA to make a new breed of Goa'uld larvae should really have been so big deal to him.

So she'd thought, anyway.

She found him curled up on the couch in his office, sobbing hysterically, trying to muffle his sobs. It wasn't exactly _manly_ to be crying because you'd been seduced by a beautiful woman, and very few people would understand it hadn't happened like that.

Mind you, if it had been the opposite, a woman being drugged and seduced by a man, then it would have been nothing but sympathy and understanding. Perhaps that was why Daniel was trying so hard to keep his feelings to himself. Double standards could be just as detrimental to men as they were to women.

When he realised she was standing there, he looked as startled as a deer trapped in headlights. " It's OK, " she said. " I won't tell. "

He turned his back to her. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, it was why he had hidden in his office in the first place. He should have locked the door. " Go away, I want to be alone, " he said.

She sat down next to him after locking the door behind her. " No such like, " she said. "I think you need a fright right now."

He looked at her tearfully. "So you can report back on what an idiot I was?" he asked. "That Daniel Jackson couldn't get the better of a woman?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Daniel," Samantha said. "Everyone knows it wasn't like that." But even as she said it, she knew it wasn't true. Oh, for sure, _she_ knew it wasn't like that, and so did a lot of people – but a lot didn't, and never would. It would take a while before he lived this down, if he ever did. Wimpy Daniel Jackson, gotten the better of by a woman, impregnating a Goa'uld queen – those kinds of things stayed with you for a while.

He wrapped his arms around his curled-up legs and rested his forehead on his knees. That people would talk for ages to come wasn't the foremost thing on his mind, although it would be a while before he would feel confident enough to leave his office for longer then was absolutely necessary. No, what most troubled him – deeply troubled him – was recalling how it had felt being with Hathor. He'd been aware of what was happening the whole time, he just hadn't been able to do anything about it. It had been like being in a very bad dream where his dick had been operating in complete defiance to his brain. And while it was a popular myth that this was a common occurrence with men, it wasn't with Daniel.

It had been horrible. He had been completely aware of what was happening and completely powerless to do anything about it. Even now, he fought the urge to throw up. He'd already had a long hot shower but that hadn't made him feel much better. That it had been his DNA that had very nearly created a whole new species of Goa'uld was a comparatively minor thing to feel bad over.

Samantha touched his arm tentatively. He threw it off with a violence that scared her a little. He was obviously deeply shaken by the experience, beyond just the possibility that he could have been responsible for a whole new breed of Goa'ulds. "It's OK, Daniel," she said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. She had the means to overpower you, there was nothing you could do about it. If you were a woman, it would be rape and no-one would blame you."

Daniel looked at her with such venom in his eyes that she decided never to mention it again. "I'm not a woman and I wasn't raped," he snapped. Then he realised he had no right to lash out at Samantha, who was only trying to help. "I'm sorry," he said.

"It's OK."

They sat in silence for a few moments – at least he didn't tell her to leave again – before he said, "I was aware of everything as it was happening. While I was having sex with her – if that's what it was – I was aware that it was happening… and I couldn't do anything about him."

Samantha stared at him. "Oh," was all she could think to say, although her mind was racing. She hadn't exactly thought about it, although she'd just figured either he'd enjoyed it or couldn't remember it – he'd looked pretty blank when they'd found him. "That…must…be…bad."

"Don't pity me, Sam," Daniel growled. " I don't need it."

"I'm not pitying you, Daniel. I'm just concerned."

"I don't need your concern, either. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." In fact, he looked terrible. Lost… violated. Samantha decided violated was an appropriate word, given the circumstances.

"Thanks for being so supportive," he said sarcastically.

"I'm _trying_ to be supportive, Daniel. I'm _trying_ to be your friend. But you won't talk to me."

"You wouldn't understand. You're–"

"A woman?" Samantha anticipated the end of his statement. The quickest way to get her riled up was to act like that somehow made her less equipped to deal with any situation. She had got plenty of it from Jack when they'd started working together, but she'd never expected to hear it from Daniel. " You think just because I'm a woman I can't understand how powerless you must have felt, and that it's really crap to feel powerless?"

"Women are used to it," Daniel said.

That was it for Samantha's restraint. She slapped Daniel. "You think you're so special because it happened to you, because you're a man?" she asked. "Get a reality check, Daniel. You're no different to me."

At this Daniel started to cry again and Samantha sensed that whatever it was, it went deeper then what it appeared to me. She touched him gently. "Daniel?" she asked. "What's wrong? I mean, apart from the obvious, because you're too upset for it to be just about that."

He looked at her, and he looked so lost, her heart broke for him. "I've always been in control," he whispered haltingly. "What…what woman would want to be with a man…who can't control it?"

Samantha thought she understood what he was talking about, and although it didn't entirely explain the extremity of his reaction, it made more sense then simply the Goa'uld-impregnation bit. Daniel was a man who liked to be in control, at least of himself, and Hathor had undercut that completely. She'd made him have sex against his will, and worse then that, she'd made him aware of what was going on as it was happening.

It was a common result of rape that afterwards women felt that they were worthless, especially sexually, and although the thought hadn't occurred to her until now, it didn't surprise her that he would be feeling that way.

She would never be sure exactly what possessed her to do what she did next, only that it instinctively felt like the right thing to do. She kissed Daniel, her mouth pressed against him, gently coaxing him to kiss her back.

He didn't need much coaxing, and within a few seconds their kiss had become heated, passionate. Despite his geeky, awkward exterior, he knew what he was doing and in a few minutes she was breathless.

He pulled her on top of him so she was straddling him and they began making out. Samantha knew this was wrong on so many levels but it didn't seem to matter much with Daniel's hands running over her body. She would never have taken him as someone who knew how to touch a woman… She arched her back as he pulled out her shirt from her pants and ran his hands over the bare skin on her lower back. "You like that, sweetheart?" he asked, and he was a completely different person to the man she knew.

And she couldn't remember feeling so good with a man. To hell with the consequences… she'd deal with them tomorrow. "Yes," she gasped, and Daniel took that as an invitation to start undressing her. He was working her with a practiced ease that would have surprised her, if she'd cared. All she knew was he knew how to make her feel good, damn good.

She had never meant to be making out with Daniel on his couch _on the base_. Hell, she had never meant to even kiss him, and she certainly had had no intention of having sex with him. But for some reason, now that she was with him, it felt so natural, so good, and her raging hormones silenced any opposition her brain was throwing up.

Before she knew it, she was clad only in her bra and panties, and Daniel's shirt was completely unbuttoned. She slid her hand downwards to judge the extent of his reaction to her nearly-naked body ; it was quite a reaction indeed.

Suddenly Daniel pushed away slightly and looked into Samantha's eyes, searching for confirmation of something. "Sam," he mumbled gutturally. "Is this a pity fuck? Because if it is, I'm not that desperate."

Samantha looked at him in shock ; she had never heard him speak like that and it was kind of unnerving. She had always suspected Daniel had a harder, darker side, but seeing a glimpse of it was another thing altogether. "I would never think so little of you," she said, and kissed him.

It was a good enough reassurance for him, and he kissed her back, hard, passionately, demanding. She was surprised by the force in his embrace, surprised and turned on. She had never before thought of Daniel as anything more then a friend and teammate and it was surreal how quickly things had progressed in the space of a few minutes. She knew she should slow things down, but it felt so good, so right…

She became aware that Daniel was manoeuvring her onto the floor, kneeling in front on the couch and she knew what he wanted to do. It was a position she hated, born out of a career in the military with men who sought to control her. She had expected far more from Daniel. She tensed up. "Daniel…" she said apprehensively.

He leaned over her to kiss the back of her neck and she almost melted. "Let me do this," he nearly begged. How could she possibly refuse him when he asked her like that? She couldn't hold it against Daniel that right now he wanted to be in control, although she was apprehensive about it being at her expense…

All apprehensive thoughts flew out of her mind when Daniel penetrated her. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop from screaming out loud. As it was, she moaned softly as he began thrusting, stroking her at the same time. This…was…amazing. "Daniel," she groaned his name over and over, louder and more frantically as she felt an explosive orgasm build up in her body. She was completely passive, he was completely in control, and he was orchestrating it perfectly.

"DANIEL!" she screamed as she climaxed hard ; she felt him climax at the same time. For several minutes, they stayed in position, reluctant to break the intensity of the moment.

The suddenly he withdrew and curled up in the furtherest corner of the couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He made her very aware of her own nudity and she struggled into her shirt and panties to sit next to him.

"You know," she said, "it's usually the woman who goes all sullen and remorseful afterwards."

Daniel remained silent for a few seconds. Then he said, "you shouldn't have let me do that."

"Shouldn't have _let_ you have sex with me?" Samantha asked. "Last I checked, rape aside, it was a two-way thing. I _wanted_ it, Daniel."

"No, I meant… you shouldn't have let me… do it that way. It's degrading to you."

For some reason, he felt bad about it, although she didn't understand. There was a widely-held belief that doggy-style was degrading for women, a means for men to have power, which was why Samantha hated it, but it had been different between her and Daniel – mostly because it had been so spectacular. "You wanted to, Daniel. You _asked_ me to let you do it that way."

"I treated you like a whore."

"You did no such thing. C'mon, Danny, this is me – don't you think I'd kick your ass if you tried to get one over me?" She leaned in to kiss him, and she noticed that his kiss was different this time – apologetic, needy.

He let the blanket around him drop and pulled her into his arms. "I wanna make it up to you," he said. It was on the tip of Samantha's tongue to tell him there was no 'making up' needed to be done when he slid his hand down her body, under her panties, and began touching her in an exquisite manner, slowly building her up to a second explosive climax. By the time he was finished, she was shaking.

She kissed him softly. "That was amazing," she said. It had been less then an hour since she had found Daniel, it was hard to believe such a short amount of time had passed. There would be hell to pay for this in the morning, she knew – for her in particular, since there wasn't much they could do to Daniel, who was a civilian – but right now it was easy to forget about that.

He kissed her back. "You're pretty amazing yourself," he said. His kisses became more passionate and she responded eagerly. A minute ago she had been convinced she didn't have the energy for anything more, but the way Daniel was touching her, she soon forgot about her exhaustion. She straddled him and began riding him.

As was common with men the second time around, Daniel took his time climaxing, and by the time it was over, they were both completely exhausted, their bodies slick with sweat. He'd compensated for the time he took by bringing her to orgasm twice more, getting off on the way she screamed his name as she climaxed. There would be hell to pay for that later, he knew, especially for her – there wasn't much they could do to him as a civilian – but right now he didn't care, and he didn't think she did, either.

"Thankyou," he said after it was over. He loved the way she clung to him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck like she _needed_ him. He liked to feel needed, especially by a woman as sexy as Samantha was. It made him feel like a man again.

She snuggled against him, her cheek pressed against his chest. "If you ever feel like making something up to me again…" she teased.

He kissed the top of her head, and felt a strong sense of affection for her. Affection – and red-hot attraction. "I've always had a thing for you," he admitted. "From the first time I saw you." He wasn't sure if this was exactly the time to be admitting such a thing, but it felt right.

She looked up at him, and her blue eyes sought some kind of reassurance in his own. They'd just had fantastic sex, but now the spectre of his missing wife was moving in, reminding her that his heart belonged to someone else. "What about Sha're?" she asked quietly, the soft tone of her voice doing nothing to negate the pointedness of her question. She didn't care _how_ great the sex was, she would not share him.

She thought she felt Daniel's grip on her tighten just a little, almost painfully, before relaxing, as if he was thinking about something unpleasant. But it was over before it properly registered, and he said thoughtfully, "I don't know. I do know that I care about you a hell of a lot and I want to see where this goes. I can't give you any more then that right now, and if that's not enough, I understand."

She reached up to kiss him gently. She was grateful that he was being honest. She knew how much he loved Sha're… but she also knew the likelihood of them finding her. Amonet wasn't just a Goa'uld, she was the Queen of the most powerful System Lord to exist at the moment, and Apophis wouldn't be giving her up anytime soon. Part of Daniel had to know that – she suspected that was why this had happened in the first place. If Daniel truly believed he had a good chance of finding his wife again, Samantha doubted he would have cheated on her. "That's enough right now," she said. She didn't know if it was enough because it was _Daniel_, if she wouldn't accept so little from anyone else – she had a feeling she wouldn't. Sleeping with a married man was dangerous territory, no matter what the circumstances were. She knew, somewhere along the line, it was going to become an issue, that there would be times when she would become jealous of his devotion to her, his ongoing determination to find her. She knew there would be times when she would be jealous of how deeply he loved Sha're… and would wish he loved _her_ as deeply. This was a bad idea – but looking into his blue eyes which reflected the respect and adoration he held for her, not to mention the afterglow of the best sex she'd had in her entire life, she found it impossible to care.

"Let's see how it goes," she suggested, and she knew from the look in his eyes – grateful, adoring – that she'd made the right choice.

For several more hours, they cuddled up on the couch – having put their clothes back on, so that would be one less thing to explain should someone come by, even though Samantha had checked three times that the door was locked – talking about everything they could think of. Daniel didn't shirk from answering the questions Samantha asked about Sha're, and by the same token, she didn't get upset when he admitted he loved her and that whatever happened between them, he wasn't going to stop looking for her. She was grateful for his honesty. It made her feel closer to him. She knew she was getting way ahead of herself, thinking of the possibility of them as a couple, but she had never connected with a person on such a level, sexually, intellectually – or emotionally.

It had been a while since Daniel had felt so at ease with himself, let alone someone else, since Sha're had been taken host, and it was easy for him to think of the possibility of them as a couple. He was reluctant to commit to such an ideas – things were so complicated at the moment. But it was so _easy_ being with Samantha, so _right_… he desperately hoped the tranquillity he was feeling at the moment lasted. Hathor had undercut his confidence in himself for reasons that Samantha would never understand, try that she might. He didn't want to revisit those reasons anytime soon.

He was reluctant when Samantha noticed the time (he'd been keeping an eye on it himself, he just hadn't said anything, hoping she wouldn't notice it would be getting light, if the sunlight reached down this far) and said she really needed to have a shower – and face the music. "And you need to go home and get some sleep," she added.

He was suddenly very aware of the consequences for Samantha over this. It could have been worse – he could have been military and she could have been his CO – but not by much. Hammond was not going to be impressed. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

Samantha shook her head. Telling Hammond she'd slept with Daniel would be bad enough, having her new lover in tow to witness the fallout would be worse. No doubt Daniel would jump to her defence when Hammond got stuck into her for being so unprofessional, which would only serve to exacerbate the situation. No, better that she did this alone.

"Do you wish you hadn't done it?" Daniel asked. She knew he was concerned about just how much trouble she'd be in, and she loved him for it.

"I wish we hadn't done it _here_," she admitted. "But I don't wish I hadn't done it." That answer, completely sincere from Samantha, was good enough for him. "I'll see you later, OK? But right now, you desperately need some sleep. You've been through something pretty traumatic."

"And something pretty damn therapeutic to make up for it, " he pointed out, his eyes sparkling mischievously as they took in Samantha's body, unashamedly perving on her. He'd always thought she'd have a great body under those unflattering BDUs, but the reality was so much better then the fantasy.

Samantha leaned over to kiss him. It was meant to be a quick peck on the lips, but he swept her into a deep, passionate kiss that surprised her in its heat – and possessiveness. She shivered despite the heat of the kiss.

She pulled away. "I really have to go," she said. "Before you hold me up for another hour." Hammond would _really_ like that. _Why are you late, Captain Carter? Sorry, sir, I was too busy having sex with Daniel in his office_. However lighthearted she might be about it to Daniel, she was nervous about confronting Hammond. Very nervous. There was, after all, a _reason_ there were rules against inter-military fraternisation. She wasn't sure exactly what they could do, given she hadn't _technically_ breached those rules, but she would sure they would at least separate them. And she would miss working with Daniel.

Well, she'd also thought that Daniel was a sweet, awkward archaeologist, the kind of guy who didn't get laid until college and had limited experience with women – clearly, she had been wrong there, too.

But she smiled to herself when she thought about what she might be getting in return. She tried not to get ahead of herself, tried to only think of her and Daniel as lovers – and friends and colleagues – but even just the idea of being lovers – she felt herself beginning to blush – and she'd thought there was _nothing_ that could phase her.

She had a shower and changed into fresh clothes before making her way to Hammond's office. She knocked on the door tentatively, feeling apprehension washed through her body. While she didn't exactly _regret_ having sex with Daniel, she had been telling the truth that she regretted being so obvious about it. There was no way of easing into it, this way he would find out soon enough, better that it came from her then the base gossip.

Hammond didn't look surprised to see her ; that couldn't be a good thing. Neither was his tone of voice when he said, "Captain Carter, come in." He definitely didn't sound happy. "Take a seat," he said when Samantha stepped into the office. "And close the door." Not a good sign. "I take it this is about your little tryst with Doctor Jackson?" he asked when Samantha sat down.

Her face fell. She'd been hoping to talk to him before someone else did. The Stargate Command was the same as any other workplace in that people loved a bit of gossip – especially something as raunchy as half the primary team getting it on in an office. Who knew _what_ he'd been told. "You heard about that?" she asked.

"Not personally, but half the base did," Hammond replied angrily, and despite her military posture, Samantha sank in her chair. She had tried to keep it quiet, but she'd gotten lost in the passion… she could only imagine what anyone passing the office – or within ten meters of it – had heard – and thought. Captain Carter in the throes of passion with Doctor Jackson. She tried to tell herself it could have been worse – they could have _seen_ them, not just heard them. Captain Carter in the doggie position – now _that_ was something she would never have lived down, although it came as cold comfort to her.

"What were you thinking, Captain?" Hammond demanded, taking her cringing and slumping in her chair as an admission of guilt – not that there would have been much talking her way out of it, given a dozen people had come to him already.

"I wasn't, sir, " Samantha said. "We just – we just got caught up in the heat of the moment." She cringed when she realised how lame that was. There was no way she could explain to Hammond the way Daniel had touched her had made it impossible for her to resist.

Hammond looked at her incredulously. "You got caught up in the heat of the moment? I could believe that from Doctor Jackson, but you should have known better."

"I know, sir," Samantha said, hanging her head. This was why she hadn't wanted Daniel to come with her ; at this point, he would be jumping to her defence. He would never understand that it was OK for civilians to jump in the sack with anyone ; a whole different standard was held towards military officers.

"You've set an appalling example, for the airforce and yourself personally. I think I can keep you on the Stargate Command, only because you haven't _technically_ broken any rules, but there's no way I can keep you on the same team. One of you has to transfer."

Samantha nodded. "Yes, sir. I anticipated that, sir. I came here to request a transfer."

Hammond looked at her wearily. At least she was copping it sweet. He respected her for that, and was inclined to go softer on her. "What are your plans for your relationship with Doctor Jackson?" he asked.

"I don't know, sir. We're going to see how it goes."

"But you plan on continuing your – " Hammond struggled with the words ; he'd never been in this position before.

"Our sexual relationship?" Samantha asked. "Yes, we do."

"Despite the fact Doctor Jackson is still married? "

Why was it what had been relatively easy to accept in the post-coital comfort of Daniel's arms felt like a slap in the face when Hammond mentioned it. She wanted to defend her position, insist that she and Daniel had a connection that transcended his marriage, but she knew it would be pointless. And if Hammond couldn't understood, who understood their personal dynamic so well, then what hope was there that anyone else would? Well, she had made her choice, and she was sticking by it. "That's really our concern," she said. "If Daniel and I are to be no longer working together I fail to see how whatever we do in our own time is of the military's concern."

She was evading the question, but Hammond let it go. It really wasn't his concern ; or, rather, it wasn't the _military's_ concern, which was how she was seeing him. He was concerned about her personally, and the consequences her involvement with Daniel would bring, but he couldn't tell her that. It was a need-to-know thing.

He was looking at her with obvious concern, like he knew something she didn't. "Is there something I should know, General?" she asked, taking the bull by the horns. It wasn't like she could get into much more trouble, she may as well be upfront.

"I'd like you to have a chat with Doctor McKenzie when you have a spare moment," Hammond said.

"Me? I'm fine. Just because I slept with Daniel, doesn't mean I'm _crazy_," Samantha defended himself. Maybe she'd thought too soon when she'd figured she couldn't get into anymore trouble.

"It's not about you, per se, " Hammond said vaguely. "McKenzie just needs to keep track of Daniel, particularly if he's become involved with someone. He's already been told to see McKenzie over this incident with Hathor, but since you've gone and gotten yourself involved with him, he may as well have your input."

"Why?" Samantha asked. Whatever did Hammond have on Daniel that made him such a concern to a psychiatrist? Apart from the usual crazy stuff that happened to them because of the Stargate program, there was nothing wrong with Daniel.

"Need to know, Captain," Hammond said, even more vaguely. "You can go now."

If _that _wasn't a dismissal, then nothing was. Samantha rose. If Hammond wouldn't tell her what was going on, she'd find it out from Daniel. Boy, the men on her team – well, ex-team now – were a secretive lot. It had taken her a few months to even learn Jack was married, divorced and had a son who'd died, although now that she thought about it, she had honestly thought she had known Daniel better then that. She vowed that the next time she saw Daniel, she'd find a way to work this into the conversation.

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Daniel Jackson, sixteen years old, was onto his third foster home, something that was unusual for someone who had been 'in the system' for eight years. But he was a good kid, polite, who had been lucky enough to get two foster parents who had been genuinely fond of him. He'd stayed with his first family for five years, until his foster mother died and his foster father had decided he couldn't raise an adolescent boy on his own, and with his second family for three years, until they'd won the lottery and decided they wanted to trek around the globe – just the two of them. 

_Daniel tried not to hold it against either couple. He'd had a good run, nothing like some of the horror stories he'd heard of abusive or negligent foster parents, and he only had two years until he would be considered an adult. With his brilliant mind, he'd already been accepted for early admission into university on a full scholarship, something he was happy with, because he didn't like his third foster father too much. _

_John Brown hadn't done anything to incur Daniel's dislike, nothing tangible at least, it was just the way he _looked_ at Daniel – it gave Daniel the creeps. He would be happy to be gone from here. _

_Daniel was sitting in the kitchen one day, taking opportunity of the empty house to get some study done. Whenever John was around, Daniel was thoroughly unnerved and ended up going to the library. _

_He had counted himself lucky too soon ; just as he'd settled down, spread his notes out just the way he liked him, who should walk into but his foster father. "Danny," he said. Daniel absolutely hated the way John called him 'Danny' like they were buddies or something. "Studying some more? Why aren't you out chasing girls?"_

_Daniel didn't say anything. John liked to draw attention to Daniel's lack of a social life. Personally, he couldn't relate to many people his own age. He preferred his books. But John didn't need to make him out like an antisocial bookwork._

"_Or maybe," John suggested with a leer, "girls aren't your thing. Maybe boys are."_

_That was it for Daniel. He stood up and collected his notes, stuffing them in his bag. He was going to the library. _

_John stood in his way. Licking his lips suggestively, he eyed Daniel shamelessly. "Or maybe… what you're really after is someone _older_ to initiate you."_

Daniel swallowed hard. Was his foster father propositioning him? "I have to go," he said, and tried to step around John. John stopped him. He was a bulky man, and he easily prevented Daniel from passing. "Don't go, I want to talk to you," he insisted. "I've been watching you, you're a very interesting young man." He reached out to put his hand on Daniel's arm ; Daniel yanked his arm away. If he'd thought John gave him the creeps before, that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. "Tell me something, Daniel. Are you a virgin?" 

_Daniel looked at his foster father in shock and horror as the truth of John's unnerving interest dawned on him. Frantically, he tried to push past John. Laughing good-naturedly, the older, bigger man caught Daniel in his arms easily, cupping his chin roughly, forcing his head up so he was forced to look into the older man's eyes. And the look of predatory hunger he saw chilled him to the bone. _

"_You're a beautiful young man, Daniel," John said, and kissed him forcefully. Daniel would spent the next fifteen years of his life trying to forget that had been his first kiss. "I've been watching you for some time now. You're so inexperienced, I've been watching how unsure you are of yourself… I think you need someone more experienced to show you the way." He stroked his free arm down Daniel's back intimately. The sensation made Daniel want to throw up._

_As it was, he struggled hard against John's iron grip, as hard as he could. But he was hardly of athletic build, and John had been watching him for a while now, looking to make his move on the teenage boy… _

He pushed Daniel across the table so he was bent at the waist and face down, his cheek on the cold wood of the table. John began working on the buckle of Daniel's pants ; Daniel's stomach knotted in absolute fear, and he kicked back hard, his foot getting John squarely in the shin. 

_John yelled, more in surprised then pain, and responded harshly, grabbing a fistful of Daniel's hair in his hand, nearly ripping it out as his yanked Daniel's head up and slamming it down onto the table. Daniel howled in pain as he felt his nose break. "Take that as a lesson not to cross me," he growled, and he went back to the job at hand – getting Daniel's pants down._

_Daniel whimpered as he felt John caress him, almost lover-like. He felt the bile rise in his throat. He was powerless to do anything, John was too strong and too determined. He wished he were dead so he wouldn't he wouldn't have to endure this. _

"_This will be a little uncomfortable at first," John said reassuringly, as if he were walking Daniel through his first booster shot. "But you'll like it, I promise." He caressed Daniel again, and began his assault on the teenager. "Don't scream," he ordered. _

Daniel screamed… 

Daniel woke up in a cold sweat, and it took him several seconds for him to work out where he was. He was in his apartment, in his bedroom, fifteen years from that day.

It had been ten years since the nightmares had stopped, and he thought it was over for good. A lot of therapy had seen to that – he'd managed to get clearance for the Stargate Command, he _must_ be recovered.

He decided he needed a drink to calm his nerves. He got out of bed and went to his liquor cabinet. He could barely hold the glass, his hand was shaking so much ; finally, in frustration, he threw the glass at the wall.

His act of destruction over, he slid to the floor, pulling his legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, in much the same way Samantha had found him before. He couldn't believe how badly he was shaking, how terribly shaken up he was inside. The memory had been so real, for a few moments when he woke up, he had been convinced he was really there.

He had thought he'd put those nightmarish few months behind him. But maybe it wasn't over. Maybe it never would be. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two 

Daniel looked exhausted when Samantha dropped by his office late the next afternoon. Clearly, he hadn't gotten the sleep she'd instructed him to, although she wondered what else he could have done. Stayed awake and brooded about Hathor? She had hoped he had moved on from that, at least a little, as a result of the time they had spent together.

Thinking about the time they'd spent together made her blush again ; she couldn't believe how much she was blushing lately. It didn't help all the smirks and comments she was getting from people on the base. Even Janet had taken her aside to ask her a few questions. It was beginning to annoy the hell out of Samantha. Why should her and Daniel's personal life be of interest to anyone else but them?

"Because when you have loud, ecstatic sex in his office where everyone within ten meters can hear, it becomes public property," Janet said when she complained about this. Privately, Janet thought it really must have been something for Samantha to lose her head like that. "Just be careful about what you do on the base," she warned her friend. "You of all people should know there's a double standard for men a women."

Samantha nodded. "I know – people know that we have sex on the base and they'll think Daniel's a stud… and I'm a slut." She tried not to take it personally, she wasn't that sore about the fallout over behaving so unprofessionally, but it annoyed her in general that the same people who were giving her knowing looks and leers were congratulating Daniel for having the finesse to Daniel Captain Carter. Samantha smiled ruefully. "I'll let him know no more sex in his office."

When she heard he'd returned to the base, she went to find him, and he didn't look great. "What happened to that sleep I told you to get?" she asked playfully.

He looked at her wearily. "I didn't sleep well last night," was all he said.

Concerned, she touched him gently on the shoulder. He shrugged her hand off. "Because of Hathor?" she asked.

"Why do I need a reason to not be able to sleep," Daniel complained. "Why does everyone assume something's wrong?"

"You had a pretty traumatic day yesterday," Samantha reminded him. "I'm just being a concerned friend."

"Well, you're concern isn't needed."

His short words stung, but she tried not to get discouraged. After all, Daniel _had_ experienced a pretty traumatic day yesterday, and as his friend, she figured it was her duty to take a little crap from him while he got himself together.

She tried a different tack. Leaning over to kiss him, she pressed her lips to his, trying to coax him to open his mouth to hers. She had meant to keep their relationship strictly platonic on the base so as not to give the gossips more ammunition, but she figured Daniel needed some affection.

The pressure of her lips against his whisked Daniel back to a day fifteen years ago and it was John Brown kissing him, not Samantha Carter. Disgust washed through his body and bile rose from his stomach and he threw Samantha off him violently. She fell backwards against the wall unit with a yelp that was more surprise then pain.

Her cry shook Daniel out of stressed mood, and he dropped to the floor to be at Samantha's side. Gently he took her in his arms, running his hands over her back and the back of her head where she'd landed. "I'm sorry, baby," he said contritely. "I don't know what came over me."

Samantha looked at him irritably. "Jesus Christ, Daniel, I was only trying to kiss you. If you weren't interested you could have just said no. You didn't have to throw me into the _wall_."

Daniel responded by kissing her. Samantha was surprised by his sudden change of heart but he made it impossible for her to say no to his advances. His kiss was passionate, demanding… possessive. _He_ was in control.

His hands were running over her body possessively, under her shirt, along the waistband of her pants. She could feel his erection against her thigh. "Daniel, no," she said weakly. He slipped his hand inside her pants and began fingering her. Despite herself, she groaned.

"I want you," he said hoarsely.

"Not here," she insisted, even more weakly. "People will talk."

He shrugged. "They're already talking." Although he wouldn't dare say so to Samantha, he had been kind of flattered by the high esteem that came with having sex with her. Apparently she had a reputation for being quite aloof. Of course, a gentleman never told, but it made him feel very, very manly. He began trailing kisses down her neck, pulling at her black shirt until it was over her head, trailing kisses down her front, fumbling with the clasp to her bra.

"Daniel…" Samantha groaned as waves of pleasure began to wash over her. "Please…not…like…this…" her protest was silenced by Daniel's mouth on hers in a demanding kiss. He wanted her, and he wasn't about to let a little thing like this stop him. She allowed herself to get swept up in the moment even if she didn't exactly _want_ to have sex in his office again. She was pretty sure there were the usual suspects of gossips standing outside, listening in and… "_OH GOD!_" she screamed when he really began working his magic.

Passively, she let him take off her pants and underwear so she was lying on his office floor, completely naked. She was pretty sure the door was unlocked, so anyone could just walk in and – she groaned when Daniel penetrated her, his body on top of hers, holding her tightly, kissing her passionately. He began thrusting hard and despite herself, she began meeting his thrusts just as hard. Sex with Daniel was addictive, he made her not care where it was – although she knew she would afterwards. "Daniel," she cried louder and louder as her climax began building up. "_Daniel_."

"Scream for me," he ordered, enjoying the power he had over her. "Scream my name as you come."

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, digging her (short) nails into his back as she climaxed violently. "_DANIEL!_" she screamed. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as he climaxed himself.

Panting, he buried his face in her breasts. "That was fucking incredible," he said.

In the unnerving quiet of the office now that their passion was spent, Samantha began to contemplate the consequences of her actions. Maybe she was being paranoid, but she could swear she heard whispering and giggling outside the door – and it wouldn't be _him_ they were whispering about. "I told you I didn't want to do it here," she chided him.

He raised his head to meet her eyes, and she could see the scowl forming on his lips. He jumped off her and turned his back to her as he began to redress. Samantha watched him, confusion and hurt in her expression. A few minutes ago, they'd been having hot sex, and now he was acting like – like a client with a prostitute after the deed was done.

She groped for her clothes, hurriedly dressing, suddenly feeling exposed in front of him. "Daniel?" she asked uncertainly.

He spun around to face her, and his eyes were cold. Hard. "Don't you _dare_ say I raped you," he hissed.

The tone of his voice frightened her almost as much as the look in his eyes. She'd always suspected there was a harder Daniel beneath the surface, but this was not what she had anticipated. "I wasn't going to," she said – that he had thought of it was testimony to the thoughts that were running through his head. "What's wrong with you, Daniel?" she asked. "First you're all over me, then you treat me like – like a _hooker_."

He turned his back to her and tried to control the feelings of helplessness and impotence that were raging through his body. She didn't understand, she'd never understand. "Get out of here," he ordered in a low, cold voice. "I'll deal with you later."

_He'll _deal_ with me _later?Samantha asked herself. Like she was some kind of inconvenience and not his goddamned friend and lover. Well, she wasn't going to accept any scraps he deigned to throw at her. "Whenever you find the time," she said sarcastically and left his office.

As she'd expected, there were a group of three people standing outside the door, pretending to have a conversation, like it wasn't obvious what they were really there for, especially when they all stopped to look at her when she came out. "What are you look at?" she snarled at the little group, not caring that it was one more thing she'd given them to talk about. She made a quick exit to her own office.

In his own office, Daniel struggled to regain his composure. Samantha's reproachful look had unnerved him, like she was acting like she hadn't wanted it. Like he had raped her.

"_You raped me."_

"I did not. You wanted it, I could tell by the way you've been looking at me." 

Why was it that one little incident could negate ten years of therapy? Daniel struggled to contain his emotions. He _knew_ it wasn't his fault, he _knew_ he'd been the victim of a sexual predator, but right now he struggled to accept that truth. He felt abused and ashamed and completely powerless.

God help him, but bending Samantha to his will like that had felt _good_. He had known she didn't want to do it in his office again, had known how people were talking about her and that she wanted to keep things platonic and professional on the base. It had made him feel good, in control, to use his considerable sexual prowess to get her to do what he wanted – and to make her want it. It was one thing to use brute strength to make a person do what you wanted, it was another to seduce them into doing it of their own free will – to Daniel, _that _was control.

He knew Samantha regretted it. She had told him yesterday she regretted doing it in his office – it would be _her _that copped the gossip from it, not him. She had wanted to keep their private life private – and he had disregarded that. Because it made him feel good to control her.

He clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms painfully. Feelings were raging through him – mostly of disgust and shame. Shame of what he'd done… and what had been done to him. Rage welled up inside him until he couldn't control it anymore, and he punched the cement wall hard in frustration.

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In her office, Samantha struggled to deal with feelings of hurt and rejection. Daniel's parting words to her kept coming back to her: _I'll deal with you later_. Like she was a goddamned _inconvenience_, something that could be disregarded until a more convenient time. She wasn't some pile of paperwork, damnit, she was _Samantha Carter_, if not his girlfriend exactly then his friend at least, and she deserved to be treated with more respect then that.

_Gotta get hold of myself_, she told herself. She couldn't go out looking like she wanted to punch something – preferably Daniel. She was beginning to wish she'd punched him in his office, although he'd looked like cold and frightening… nonetheless, How _dare_ he treat her like that! After last night, where they'd really connected, not just sexually but intellectually and emotionally, she'd thought they really had something. Granted, it was murky, given his questionable marital status, but she'd thought they had _something_ – more then some cool words after hot sex on his office floor!

Doctor McKenzie interrupted her thoughts, knocking politely on her door. Damn, she'd agreed to see him about Daniel. She smiled ruefully to herself. Yesterday, she'd thought _Hammond_ was the crazy one for think Daniel was trouble. Now she was beginning to think maybe the man was on the right track. "Have I come at a bad time?" McKenzie asked.

Samantha smiled as best she could, although trained psychiatrist that he was, McKenzie could see that she was troubled. Most likely about Doctor Jackson. Hammond had been quick to inform McKenzie on Jackson and Carter's tryst, and McKenzie had agreed it was cause for concern. He was pretty sure the incident with Hathor had dredge up some painful memories for Daniel, and McKenzie didn't think it was a good idea for him to be getting into a sexual relationship at the moment.

"Was there anything I can do for you, Doctor McKenzie?" Samantha asked politely.

"I was hoping I could talk to you about Doctor Jackson, but if now isn't a good time–" Personally, McKenzie thought now was a very good time, she clearly had something on her mind.

"What did you want to talk about?" Samantha asked cautiously, although she knew damn well what he wanted to talk about.

McKenzie saw Samantha wanted him to get straight to the point, so he said bluntly, "Your relationship with Doctor Jackson. You're… _sexual_ relationship."

"You mean the fact we had sex in his office and now the whole base is talking about it?" Samantha corrected, just as bluntly.

"That wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about, but since you brought it up, yes, I thought it was remarkably out of character for you. You know how hard it is to be a woman in this place, and I know how professionally you conduct yourself. That you would lose you head like that –"

"I know," Samantha said. She lowered her head, refusing to meet McKenzie's searching gaze. She couldn't exactly tell him she, Captain Samantha Carter, the coolest of the cool, had gotten swept up in the moment when a man touched her.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed about it," McKenzie said. "Doctor Jackson has quite a reputation with the ladies." In fact, the man inspired such loyalty from his former lovers despite the speed with which he worked through them that they hadn't been able to get any information other then a few dreamy smiles. He had certainly made up for lost time and his first tragic experience – something that concerned McKenzie, especially in light of his current 'relationship' – if that's what it was – with Captain Carter.

Samantha looked at him suspiciously. "And how would you know this?" she asked.

"Because he had a very thorough background check on him done before he was allowed to join the Stargate program."

Now Samantha was even more suspicious. She knew tracking down and interviewing former lovers en masse was not a standard requirement for a security clearance, even this high up in the military. "What on earth did he do to warrant that kind of investigation?" she asked.

"I can't tell you," McKenzie said, and he was as maddening about it as Hammond had been.

"What do you mean, you can't tell me?" Samantha asked irritably. "I'm sleeping with him, don't I have a right to know what I'm getting into?"

"Hammond did warn you again getting involved with Doctor Jackson," McKenzie reminded her. "I think he's very troubled at the moment."

"Because of Hathor?"

"That's the catalyst, yes," McKenzie admitted reluctantly. "I can't get into it, but tell me one thing, if you don't mind – did you find Doctor Jackson was quite aggressive, like he wanted to control you?"

Samantha felt the blood rise to her cheeks as she remembered the two times they had been together. Maybe not the second time they'd been together yesterday, but definitely the first time and today – yes, he'd been aggressive, yes, it had felt like he'd wanted to control her. Reluctantly, she admitted, "Yesterday…he wanted to be in control. He was sorry about it afterwards, but today… I told him I didn't want to do it in his office, because people talked about _me_, not him… I feel embarrassed that I got carried away, but he seemed determined to have his way… he can be very…"

"Persuasive?" McKenzie offered. Samantha nodded, refusing to meet McKenzie's eyes. It was embarrassing, discussing her sex life like this. She didn't know what was worse, that McKenzie was sympathetic, or it he were to be more businesslike. "Captain Carter, I wouldn't take it personally. Doctor Jackson has some issues that we're trying to help him deal with. In the meantime, I suggest you put an end to your sexual relationship with him. He needs a friend right now, but he does not need a lover."

Samantha nodded dumbly. She accepted McKenzie's advice as that of the professional he was, but right now, she wanted the psychiatrist out of her office. He knew far too much about her, or, rather, far too much about Daniel which gave him the ability to make remarkable insights about their sex life, short-lived that it was. She wondered what exactly Daniel had done to warrant such an investigation into his private life.

Mercifully, McKenzie's pager beeped at that moment. He glanced at it then said, "I'm needed in the infirmary. If there's anything you want to talk about, my door is always open."

Samantha nodded, although she had no intention of going to see McKenzie about anything, especially not her relationship with Daniel. She silently willed the psychiatrist to leave, which thankfully, he did after a pause in which he gave Samantha the opportunity to say something – anything – else. She didn't.

McKenzie had been paged to the infirmary by Janet, who had no idea what had possessed Daniel to punch the concrete wall of his office. Thankfully, he hadn't broken any of the bones in his hand, but his knuckles were badly torn and bleeding. He'd refused to say why he'd done it. And he'd obviously done it with some force, according to the degree of damage to his hand – what kind of anger did he have in him to do something like that, and _why_? Daniel refused to say, so Janet had summed McKenzie, hoping the psychiatrist could shed some light on the situation.

Janet left the two men to hash things out among themselves. McKenzie inspected Daniel's wounded hand. "That took some effort," he said. "What were you angry about?"

Daniel scowled and refused to meet McKenzie's eyes. McKenzie was one of a handful of people who knew about his past – one of the conditions of him being part of the Stargate program was a thorough background check, and once they'd found out about something on his juvenile file (it was amazing how 'sealed' was a relative term), and God knew how thorough a check they'd done to make sure he was 'stable', they had filled McKenzie in, supposedly so the psychiatrist could keep an eye on Daniel. But Daniel didn't need anyone keeping an eye on him, thankyouverymuch, he'd only agreed to it because at the time it was the only was he could get on the Stargate Program. Now he was wishing he'd thought of something else. He didn't like the looks of pity people gave him when they found out about it, even if McKenzie _was_ trained to deal with it.

"It was nothing," he mumbled lamely. "I just got a little angry." Even _he_ knew how lame that sounded. People who got a little angry didn't punch walls so hard they tore the skin off their knuckles.

"People who get a little angry don't punch concrete walls so hard they tear the skin from their knuckles," McKenzie pointed out, parroting Daniel's thoughts. "I assume this is about your relationship with Captain Carter?"

Daniel scowled again. "That's none of your business," he growled. McKenzie knew he'd hit a nerve. Despite his conflicting emotions, underneath his troubled mind was a gentle man who loved Captain Carter, and McKenzie wanted – needed – to get through to that man.

McKenzie sat down next to Daniel. "I think it is," he disagreed mildly. "I know how you must be feeling right now, but to take it out on Captain Carter – you're lucky she cares about you so much, of you could be in some serious trouble."

Daniel cringed. He _knew_ he'd done the wrong thing by her, and that McKenzie was being so mild about it, instead of confrontational, only made things worse. He couldn't get all defensive in light of being confronted ; instead, he could only confront his own conscience – and his conscience told him he'd done the wrong thing by her. He'd wanted to control her, to make up for the sense of helplessness he'd felt with Hathor… and with John.

McKenzie could see Daniel was remorseful, and needed time to gather his thoughts. The psychiatrist was confident the troubled younger man was feeling remorseful for what he'd done, particularly to someone he cared about deeply. McKenzie believed now was not a good time for Daniel to be getting romantically involved with anyone, but he could see a point in the future where the two of them could be happy together. "I'll give you some time to yourself," he said. "But I want to discuss the further," he added, making it clear that it wasn't over. He would pursue Daniel until the issue had been hashed out, and he would certainly be recommending against Daniel travelling offworld for a while. He was going to have personal space issues for a while, especially when it came to men, and the absolute last thing they needed was for Daniel to go mental if Jack or Teal'c got a little to close on a mission. Well, maybe not Jack because he knew of Daniel's history and would know not to aggravate him further, but Teal'c would respond to aggression with more aggression, with the bigger, strong Jaffa winning, and that may just be the assault on his pride and personal space that would send him into a mental decline. Yes, definitely no offworld travel for the time being.

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Daniel showed up at Samantha's office the next day, contrition written all over his face. He knew there wasn't much he could say or do to make up for his behaviour the day before – or, come to think of it – the day before that – but he owed it to their relationship to try. He loved Samantha, both as a friend and maybe something more – it was hard to tell with the spectre of Sha're hanging over him, but his gut told him it could be something pretty special, more so even then what he'd had with his wife – and he couldn't imagine not having her in his life. He was deeply sorry he'd treated her the way he had, and he couldn't bear the thought of having her hate him.

"Will you accept an apology from a man who was really, really stupid?" he pleaded when she looked up to see him standing in her doorway, apprehensive about even entering her office – her space.

He certainly _looked_ sorry, and Samantha didn't doubt the sincerity of his words, but she felt haunted by his actions the day before. He had wanted to control her, like a beast of burden to be broken in and not a human being who deserved respect. And McKenzie's vauge warnings on top of that – "What's wrong, Daniel?" she asked. "This isn't just about Hathor, that much I know. There's something go on with you and I think I have a right to know."

He smiled awkwardly, a Daniel smile, belonging to the slightly unsure archaeologist and linguist that she loved. "It's nothing," he said, and she almost believed him. God knew, she wanted to believe him, and she certainly wouldn't have been the first person to believe what they wanted to believe.

She sighed. "I want to believe you, I really do, " she said. "You scared me yesterday, Daniel. I told you I didn't want to and – " she felt tears welling in her eyes, and she hated herself for being emotional.

"Can I come in?" Daniel asked. Samantha nodded, touched that he was so concerned with respecting her personal space. He was remorseful, she knew that because she knew him. Daniel quickly crossed the space between them and took her gently in his arms. "I'm so, so sorry, sweetheart," he said softly, kissing the top of her head gently. He was so gentle, so tender – Samantha's heart ached to be with him. This was the Daniel Jackson that she knew and loved. "I can't explain it, but I just went a little crazy yesterday."

"Over Hathor?" Samantha prompted.

It was as good an excuse as any, and it was kind of close to the truth, as close to the truth as Daniel would admit. What he _couldn't_ admit to, not in front of this woman that he loved so much, was that he'd been repeatedly molested by his foster father when he was sixteen. "Yes," he admitted. "I didn't sleep very well that night – I had a nightmare over it. I felt so helpless and powerless – I wanted to be in control." It was close enough to the truth that she wouldn't look into it any further.

He was crying now, and how could Samantha possibly hold his actions against him? He was clearly troubled, and she loved him too much to take him to task over his actions. "It's OK," she said. "I just wanted you to talk to me… instead of taking it out on me."

He was sobbing in earnest now, and she stroked his hair comfortingly. "I treated you like a whore," he said. "I don't know how you can stand to be here with me."

"Because I know that wasn't you, and I trust you," Samantha said softly. She gently shifted Daniel's head so his tear-stained eyes were looking into hers. "Why don't we just forget it ever happened?" she suggested. If Daniel kept acting like his usual – albeit teary – self, she was sure she could forget he'd ever treated her like he had yesterday. Hell, cradling him in his arms right now, it was almost impossible to believe this was the same Daniel who had manipulated her yesterday. She had already forgiven him ; she was confident she could forget as well.

Daniel nodded and ventured a quick, chaste peck on the forehead ; he was like an unsure schoolboy with his first crush. It was sweet, and reassuring, because it meant he was Her Daniel. Impulsively, she threw her arms around his neck. "Why don't you take me out tonight?" she suggested. "Just the two of us."

"You mean… like a date?"

Samantha nodded coyly. It was strange how, in light of Daniel's own chaste, unsure behaviour, she was acting a little schoolgirlish herself. Or maybe it was just that she hadn't feel really infatuated – dare she call it 'in love'? – for a while, and it was a heady feeling. "That is… if you want to."

Daniel smiled happily through his tears. "Of course I want to," he said, and kissed her again on the cheek. "I'll pick you up at seven?"

Samantha nodded. Of course he'd want to drive, it was a male thing, but she figured it was OK to grant him that one concession. "Deal," she agreed, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek of his own.

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At two in the morning, Samantha flopped on her back on her bed, the sheets a tangled mess, their bodies slick with sweat. After three rounds, they were both completely exhausted. They had made a silent agreement that they wouldn't end up in be together, of course, but when the night had gone so incredibly, it was impossible not to follow it through to its natural conclusion – three hours of thrashing around in bed in passion that was as mutually respectful as it was steamy.

She snuggled up to him, and he wrapped an arm around her tightly. It _had_ been an incredible night. Daniel had been nothing short of gentlemanly all night, taking her out to dinner and a movie. They had talked for hours in the way that only they could, and as every minute passed, their attraction for one another had become increasingly obvious.

He had never made a move on her, save for holding her hand, until after the movie when they'd gone for a walk together, he'd shyly asked if he could put his arm around her – that was Her Daniel alright. They'd talked, laughed, connected, all the while all too aware of their mutual attraction.

He'd driven her home, and she'd invited him in for coffee. She'd put the pot on, although they'd never gotten to it. They retreated to the living room where they continued to talk, and she cut him off mid-sentence to kiss him. It had been a gentle, apprehensive kiss as neither of them were sure of what the other wanted.

For a brief ,moment, Daniel kissed her back, just as gently, just as apprehensively, before he pulled away slightly to look her in the eyes. "Is this what you want?" he asked. "I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to."

She'd smiled and kissed him again. "I want to," she confirmed. That Daniel only wanted what she was willing to give confirmed how much she loved him – and that he was Her Daniel. Whatever had caused him to behave as he had the last two days, she was sure it was over.

Three hours later, exhausted, they lay in bed together. "That was incredible," she murmured appreciatively.

Daniel's eyes bored into hers intensely, searching for some kind of assurance. "I want to tell you something," he said. "And I don't care if you can't return the sentiment, but I'm scared you'll freak out on me."

Samantha's heart flooded with joy when she realised what Daniel was aiming at. "I love you too," she blurted out, and hoped that was what he meant.

He smiled at her adoringly. "I love you, Sam," he said sincerely. "I was worried that you wouldn't – couldn't – love me back after… " he trailled off, and the remorse was clear in his eyes.

She cupped his face in his hand. "I love you," she said honestly. "I don't care about what you did. I understand. I love you anyway, what kind of love would that be if I didn't?"

"I love you more then anything, Sam, and I don't want to hurt you," Daniel said. "If you were smart, you wouldn't get involved with me." It was the closest he could come to admitting that his personal demons stretched much further back then the day before yesterday.

"I'm staying with you _because_ I'm smart," Samantha corrected. Privately, Daniel's insistence that she leave for her own good troubled her. Clearly, there was something going on in his head that had been there before Hathor – long before Hathor. She wished he would tell her what it was, but she was confident she could get him to open up eventually. "I love you, you're stuck with me."

That seemed to reassure Daniel somewhat, and he drifted asleep in her arms. Samantha stayed awake for a little longer, plagued by thoughts that Daniel was hiding something from her – something big. Eventually, getting nowhere, she resigned herself to the fact he would tell her when he was ready, and in the meantime, they would build on their new relationship. Perhaps, when she saw that she was here to stay and trusted her more, he would tell her.

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Three months later 

Samantha retreated to the locked sanctuary that was her office to cry over the latest humiliation Daniel had inflicted on her. She had long given up on trying to control her tears when it came to the aftermath of Daniel in one of his 'moods' – that was how Samantha thought of it. His _perversions _was closer to the truth, although it had been pretty mild this time, like it always was on the base – comparatively speaking.

He liked to dominate, be aggressive, and he was becoming more so, with more frequency. He liked to control her, bend her to his will. Increasingly, his preferred position was to bend her over his desk and take her from behind – hard. Increasingly, he preferred hard sex, and whatever Daniel preferred…

And he always – _always_ – made her climax. No matter how degrading his 'preferences' got, he could always make her climax. He was an incredibly skilled and manipulative lover, he could make her accept just about anything the way he touched her. He could always make her body say yes, at least for as long as it took, while her mind was saying no. _That_ was real control.

To be fair, he wasn't always like that. Especially the day after a particularly debasing night, he was always contrite, and always became the gentle, sensitive man – and lover – she'd fallen in love with. Although he never had the shy uncertainty that he'd possessed on their first date – even when he was sensitive, he was never unsure of himself. And Samantha always missed that Daniel.

Her wistfulness was interrupted by a frown. Those nights were becoming increasingly few and far between – Samantha was beginning to suspect it was a technique he employed when he'd pushed her too far, to reel her back in. He knew she was in love with him, and ever so often he reminded her of what he could be like – if only to draw her back in. It was no less manipulative a technique then making her climax while he was debasing her, albeit a more palatable technique.

And she was in love with him. More then that, it was like she was addicted to him. She had been in love with mentally unstable men before – her ex Jonas came to mind – and she'd had the confidence to walk away. But this time was different. This time, she knew she was allowing Daniel to drag her down with him – but she kept hoping that, give him enough time and he'd return to the man she loved.

Instead, he was becoming increasingly aggressive. Not to mention he wasn't sleeping well – he looked constantly exhausted. Samantha suspected he was having nightmares – but not about Hathor. One night, six weeks ago, the last night they'd spent together, she'd been woken up by his distressed whimperings, crying out the name 'John'. When she'd asked him the next morning who John was, he'd completely ignored her, and from then on, they always had sex at her place, so he had an excuse to leave – something lame, like he could only sleep well in his bed. Bullshit. She had seen him sleep well enough on the hard ground of various planets, and anyway, it was clear by his increasingly haggard expression that he wasn't sleeping well in his own bed, either.

She'd asked McKenzie who 'John' was. The man seemed to know an awful lot about Daniel's past, maybe he knew who John was. The psychiatrist had looked surprised Samantha had managed to extract such a name from Daniel, and quickly ran off the 'confidential' crap – just before warning Samantha that Daniel was extremely troubled at the moment, and if she knew what was good for her, she'd call it off with him.

Like she didn't already know that. Like she wouldn't call it off if she could. But every time she made up her mind, he seduced her into staying a little longer, hoping she could see whatever trouble his mind was wallowing it through to its conclusion – and his own stability.

There were times that Daniel could be gentle and sensitive, concerning himself only with her pleasure – and other times he would work her up quickly and screwing her hard and fast, leaving her unsatisfied. And then there were the times when he could be cruel and humiliating… Samantha felt fresh tears spring to her eyes when she thought about the dozens of nights – and days – when Daniel had demanded all manner of things of her. And… she'd… given… in. Because he could touch her in a way that would make anything seem worth it until the time – until it was over, and he showed her the indifference he would a prostitute. She suspected that was the true nature of their relationship – that she was a sexual being for him to control.

She wracked her brains for an explanation for his behaviour. Ever the scientist, she knew there had to be a reason for it. It wasn't just about Hathor, although she knew, from McKenzie's hints and her own understanding, that that was the catalyst. Goddamnit, if he would only open up to her – if _someone _would only fill her in on what was driving Daniel's behaviour.

While she was trying to come out with answers that eluded her, there was a knock on the door. "Sam, it's Janet, do you have a moment?" her friend's voice came through the door, a little apprehensive. No doubt Janet was here to try once more to convince Samantha to call it off with Daniel. Several times Janet had given Samantha physicals about particularly rough nights with Daniel, and she was asking hard questions about it. Samantha had taken to seeing her GP, a man who knew to keep his mouth shut. She would really rather just avoid another series of questions from Janet, but there wasn't much help for it. She knew her friend, and she knew Janet would just stay outside the door until Samantha opened it.

She opened the door. Janet looked worried, and even more so when she saw that Samantha was clearly upset – no doubt about Daniel. She'd been crying, and her clothes looked dishevelled – and BDUs were designed not to wrinkle easily. Well, what Janet had to say would only upset Samantha more – but it had to be said. Any fool could see that something was troubling Daniel, but Janet was fast losing sympathy for him for the way he was treating Samantha. He was possessive and controlling and several things that Janet wouldn't say out loud. Hathor's assault on him had almost certainly done something to his mind, and he was trying to regain control by controlling someone else – Samantha. And she loved him, the fool, too much to walk away – or maybe it was that she didn't have the confidence to walk away. Hopefully what Janet had to say would make her revalue that decision.

"You don't look so great," Janet couldn't help but remarking.

Samantha smiled thinly. "The usual," she said vaguely, meaning 'the usual trouble with Daniel'. It made Janet's heart ache to see what he was putting her through – almost as much as it made her heart ache to know Daniel must be seriously troubled to put her through that. But she had more loyalty to Samantha then she did to Daniel. McKenzie could deal with Daniel, if it lay within the psychiatrist's abilities.

Samantha noticed that Janet looked pretty troubled herself. "What's up?" she asked, putting her own problems on the backburner for a while.

"I have something to tell you, and I don't think you'll like it," Janet blurted out. "It's about Daniel."

There was a tone in Janet's voice, which took Samantha's instincts back to high school, where even for tomboys like her the rule #1 among girls was you never stole each other's boyfriends. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her where this was going. "You mean, you and Daniel," she clarified evenly, struggling to keep her emotions in check. Whatever he had done this time was too much, even for him.

Janet nodded miserably. After a day's thought, she still wasn't sure how it had happened. She had gone to his office to confront him over the way he was treating Samantha. In the last three months, she had been admitting herself to the infirmary complaining of various injuries that Janet knew, as a doctor, could most likely be chalked up to aggressive sexual practices. She figured she'd asked too many personal questions, because Samantha was seeing someone else about it now. But just because Samantha was seeing someone else, it didn't mean she'd forgotten. Her friend was becoming increasingly distant lately, dragged down by whatever was haunting Daniel. She'd tried to talk to Samantha, and that hadn't achieved anything, so she figured it was time to confront Daniel.

She'd let him have it with both barrels – after her chauvinistic, abusive ex husband, she was hardly going to take the kind of crap from a man that Samantha was taking from Daniel. Maybe she could scare him off – Janet could be pretty scary sometimes. It was amazing how effective threats of sexual harassment suits could be.

But instead of being intimidated by her, Daniel had merely looked at her. He'd always thought Janet was quite attractive, but it had never occurred to him to do anything about it. Your girlfriend's friends tended to be out of bounds. But the passion she was displaying, even if it was anger directed at him…

She shivered when she remembered that Look, and Samantha understood what that was about. She had no idea where he'd learnt it, but Daniel could have a woman hook with just a Look. A look would permit a caress, a caress would permit a kiss, and kiss would permit just about anything he could think of – she should know, he had thought of just about everything in the last three weeks. And she had permitted everything, because of what he could do to her.

Janet was sobbing now, something about bending her over his desk. Samantha smiled grimly. Yes, that was Daniel alright. "I knew it was wrong… I wanted him to stop… I _told_ him to stop… I could have fought harder, if I'd wanted to, but – "

"He made it feel so good," Samantha finished. Janet nodded tearfully. "Daniel can do that to you. It's not your fault. I bet after he said something like 'you can go now' and acted like you were a prostitute."

Janet nodded gratefully ; she had expected Samantha to be more angry. She was angry, Janet could see, just not at her – at Daniel. "Daniel's…_troubled_," Samantha said, and Janet knew if she didn't love Daniel so much she wouldn't have used such a kind word. "I knew what he was capable of – I just didn't think he'd go this far. So I guess I didn't know what he was capable of. I'm sorry."

"_You're_ sorry?" Janet asked incredulously. She'd heard of battered wives' syndrome of course, but this was ridiculous.

"I mean, I'm sorry I let it go this far. I'm sorry I didn't tell you what he was like. I'm sorry I put you in that position." Samantha sighed deeply and buried her head in her hands. "I don't know what's wrong with him, Jan, and I don't know what's wrong with _me_ to put up with it." She started crying when she thought about Daniel and his steady moral disintegration – he was nothing like the man she loved, and she had to accept that. "I'll talk to him tonight."

Janet looked concerned. "Alone? Are you sure that's a good idea? I can come with you if you like." She had a new appreciation for what Daniel was able to do to a woman once he got her alone. No wonder Samantha was so distracted these days, if he'd been doing that and worse to her for the last three months. She could definitely do with some company. Even in his present state of mind, Daniel would think twice about taking them both on.

Samantha shook her head. "Thanks," she said. "But I need to do this on my own." She knew what Janet was concerned about, but she figured she was too angry to let Daniel get the better of her this time. What he had done was unconscionable. He had slept with her best friend with no thought of either Janet or herself. Then again, given what she'd been letting him get away with these past three months, it was no wonder he'd thought he had a right to act like that.

Well, no more. She wasn't going to tolerate it anymore. It was over between her and Daniel. She made a mental note to tell McKenzie every last detail of his behaviour. She'd been a fool to think if she waited patiently he would eventually revert back to the Daniel Jackson she knew and loved. McKenzie could deal with him from now on, if it was within the psychiatrist's ability.

That evening, she waited for Daniel to come by. It was a standing arrangement between them, instigated by him ; whenever they had the same night off, he would come over, they'd have sex a few times and he'd leave. She wouldn't let him get away with _that_ again.

When she opened the door, Daniel took her in his arms and kissed her possessively – typical of him. No 'hello', just a steamy kiss, a prelude for things to come. He didn't even act like his behaviour that afternoon was worth apologising over.

She struggled against his hold. "Daniel, slow down," she ordered him. "We need to talk."

"We'll talk later," he said huskily. God, she was such a turn-on. He'd been so horny lately, he couldn't get enough sex. He felt a little remorse for having sex with Janet yesterday, but the way he saw it, it was her own fault for being so provocative. He loved it when women showed spirit – it was a challenge to curb them, like an untamed animal… He remembered the way Janet had yelped in indignation when he'd kissed her, how she'd struggled against him and how her struggling had become weaker and weaker the harder he kissed her, the more provocatively he touched her. She had protested, of course, when he'd pushed her across his desk but her 'no's' had quickly died down when he slipped his fingers inside her – and then something more substantial. He loved that he'd had the ability to make her body betray her mind – that was _real_ power.

Just thinking about it was giving him a hard-on, and he began kissing Samantha more aggressively. She could feel him against her thigh, and she was disgusted with his behaviour. "Daniel, stop it," she ordered. "We really need to talk."

Reluctantly, he withdrew. "About what?" he asked sullenly. Women, always wanting to _talk_. Didn't they say actions spoke louder then words?

"About Janet," she said pointedly.

Daniel's expression fell. He had honestly thought she would keep it to herself. Weren't women like that, didn't want their girlfriends to know what bitches they really were? "She was asking for it," he said, even more sullenly.

Samantha stared at him incredulously. "That's the best excuse you can come up with?" she asked. "You're sick, Daniel, if you think Janet would ever come onto you."

Daniel's eyes flashed dangerously. "You think she's too good for me?" he demanded. He'd seduced much more high-profile, much wealthier women then a crummy doctor in the airforce. Janet should be _grateful_ he'd deigned to service her. "You think _you're_ too good for me?"

"I think any woman's too good for you in your state of mind," Samantha retorted. "What the hell is wrong with you? You used to be so _nice_."

"I haven't heard you complaining," Daniel challenged. "And Janet didn't complain much, either," he added smugly. "I guess she's as much of a whore as you are."

Samantha slapped Daniel as hard as she could, sending him reeling. "Go to hell," she yelled at him. "It's over."

She turned to leave, despite the fact it was her house – she just wanted to be out of here, away from Daniel's and his sick mind – and Daniel grabbed her, holding her tightly around the waist. "It's over when I say it's over," he hissed in her ear, and he dragged her, kicking and screaming to her room.

He tossed her onto the bed, forcing her onto her hands and knees. "Daniel, please…" Samantha begged, and he grunted in satisfaction. He much preferred it when Samantha was subservient, _asking _instead of _ordering_. "I don't want this."

"_You raped me."_

"_I did not. You wanted it, I could tell by the way you've been looking at me."_

Daniel pulled down Samantha's pants roughly and began to finger her. He grunted with further satisfaction when she began responding the way he wanted, groaning with desire against her will. Stupid bitch, they were all whores, they all wanted it, deep down. He'd show her…

It was over quickly ; he brought her to a violent orgasm as tears streamed down her cheeks. Somehow, this was the worst Daniel had ever been, maybe because the contempt her felt for her while he was screwing her was almost tangible, a physical element. "You enjoy that, sweetheart?" he asked callously as he withdrew from her and zipped up his pants.

She struggled into her own clothes and turned around to face him, her cheeks tearstained, her eyes blazing with fury. "You raped me!" she yelled.

"You came!" he yelled back.

"Just because I orgasmed doesn't mean I wanted it," she yelled, not caring what the neighbours must think. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Daniel? Something's wrong with you, you've been falling apart ever since Hathor – "

"Nothing is wrong with me," he said coolly. "You're just asking far too much of me."

"To treat me with a bit of respect, you mean?" Samantha asked. She couldn't believe this was her Daniel. He was a _monster_. "Get out," she ordered, her voice low. "I never want to see you again. It's over."

He scowled. Uppity bitch. Well, there were plenty more fish in the sea. "Fine," he spat. "I was bored with you anyway." And with that, he stormed off, leaving Samantha to cry.

It was over. Not that she'd had any other option. If Daniel had displayed any kind of remorse – but he'd acted like he had a _right_ to any woman he wanted, like just because he had the skill to bring a woman to orgasm meant he had the right to have sex with her against her will. Her – Janet – God knew who else.

_Oh, Daniel_, she thought as she cried her heart out. _What the hell has happened to you?_

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Daniel woke up at three in the morning in a cold sweat. The nightmare was always the same, but this night, it had been the worst ever. He could physically feel the agony from the assault, and it took several minutes for the pain to subside, even if it was only in his head.

Crying hysterically, he gulped desperately for air. It had been so long since he'd had a decent night's sleep, always haunted by the memories of John Brown and his abuse of Daniel. He always woke up feeling dirty to the core, completely helpless. The only way he knew to feel more in control was to exert it on others – particularly women, who were weaker and susceptible to his hard-learned charms.

As soon as the pain subsided, his guilty conscience kicked it. He had treated Samantha abominably. He had treated her like a whore, she who had been trying to get through to him for the last three months. He couldn't believe she had stuck with him for so long.

He started to cry again. Suddenly he needed to see her desperately, with a need that he couldn't understand. He thought about the few times he'd felt safe in the last three months, and they had all been with Samantha. She had brought something out in him – and he had repaid her by treating her like a whore.

Without thinking about what he was doing, he got out of bed, threw on a tracksuit and left his apartment. All he could think about was seeing her. He didn't know what he was going to do, didn't know what he was going to say, could only think about seeing her.

So at half past three in the morning, he was on Samantha's front doorstep, trying to get her to open the door.

She knew who it was, even before he started to speak through the door. Only Daniel was crazy enough to show up this early in the morning. Anyone else would have at least called first.

"Go away!" she said through the door. "I told you, it's over."

"Please," he begged, sliding against the door to sit on the front step. "I need to talk to you… I need you…"

She stood on the other side of the door. She wanted to let him in, but she couldn't take it anymore. There was something deeply disturbed about him, but if he wouldn't let her into his damaged psyche, there was nothing else she could do. "You need help," she said.

"I need you," he sobbed. "Please, Sam, let me in. I won't hurt you anymore. I'm sorry – I didn't mean to hurt you – I'm so screwed up right now… please, Sam, let me in…_please_…"

She felt her body tremble with unshed tears. She loved Daniel and it broke her heart to see him like this. But instinct told her to wait a few minutes, let him unburden himself a little more. _Tell me what's wrong_, she willed him silently. _Tell me, baby_.

He continued to babble through his tears. "Let me in… I won't hurt you… I need you… please, baby… please…I'm sorry I did the things I did, I'm sorry I hurt you… you don't know what happened to me…"

Samantha balled her hands into fists, feeling her nails dig into her skin – at least she kept them military-regulation length. _Tell me_, she begged Daniel.

His tears gradually subsided as he realised Samantha wasn't going to let him in and he talked mostly to himself, and to her, if she cared at her. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't, after what he'd done to her. "They say that most abusers were abused themselves," he said ruefully, bitterly. "Open the door, baby. I need to tell you something. I need to tell you…when I was sixteen…" he took a deep, ragged breath. It was now or never, and desperation drove him. "… When I was sixteen… I was raped."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three 

Please, no doctors, psychiatrists or the like writing in to complain about my bullshit medical science/psychology. This is a work of fiction, and I have added details that work in the context of the story rather then focus of actually drug treatment and psychological treatment. You have been warned…

_For three nightmarish months Daniel was at the mercy of John Brown. He forced himself on his ward two or three times every week. For a week, Daniel put his best efforts into being anywhere but his foster home, but he had to go home sometime, and when he did, he discovered that whatever punishment John dreamed up for his 'insubordinance' was far worse then the actual assaults. _

_A few times he tried to fight John's unwelcome advances, only to be beaten into submission before being assaulted. From a survival perspective, it made sense that Daniel soon acquiesced to John's assaults without a fight, but he had never really forgiven himself for it. 'Letting' yourself be raped took some accepting. _

_It had come to an end when his social worker, Amanda Parker, had dropped in for a surprise visit. Letting herself into the unlocked house, she had walked in on them. Even in a cash-strapped environment where victims of foster abuse often went unheard, it was hard to ignore the damning evidence in Daniel's case. It helped that Amanda had felt personal responsibility, and had herself taken him in and pulled strings to get him extensive therapy_.

_By that point, the damage had been done, and it took the better part of ten years of therapy before he felt something resembling normal. In the meantime, he made himself feel more secure in his sexuality by pursuing every female who was willing. He started out with Crystal, a local fifteen-year-old girl who had a reputation for being easy. She had been happy to let him screw her, and more then happy when he'd wanted to experiment on her, discovering ways to make women happy. An important part of his well-practiced heterosexuality was that he could have any woman he wanted, and he could make any woman want it. _

_By the time he dumped Crystal four months later for giving him gonorrhoea he was well on his way. He'd been accepted for an early admission into university, and despite his age he'd made impressive inroads in the female population, always honing his skills even as he applied his brilliant mind to his studies. In a few years, he could get any woman he wanted into bed. He knew how give a look that would grant a kiss, a kiss that would grant a caress, and caress that could get even the most reserved of women into bed. And he was always so charming about it, that they couldn't possibly hold it against him when he moved on to someone new. _

_For all his skirt-chasing, Daniel had been well-adjusted for years, enough that he got past a team of psychiatrists to join the Stargate program. And then there had been Sha're, who he'd loved to distraction, who he'd loved enough to be faithful to. He'd thought his life was completely turned around. And then Hathor came along…_

Daniel wept uncontrollably in Samantha's arms as he told her every miserable detail of his life up to joining the Stargate program.What had taken a string of psychiatrists several years to draw out of him, he told in a few minutes, he was so scared of losing Samantha.

He couldn't bear to look at her when he finished until she said softly, "Look at me, Danny. I'm not mad at you, I just want you to look at me."

Reluctantly, he raised his head so his tear-stained eyes met hers. For a brief moment, he searched for hate or contempt in her eyes, and found none. Not knowing what else to do, she wiped his tears away in a simple, intimate gesture. What could you say when the love of your life had just told you they'd been abused as a teenager? Rage filled her heart. That someone could do that to Daniel – "Do you know what's happened to him?" she asked impulsively. She immediately looked apologetic. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "If you don't want to talk about it – "

"He's dead," Daniel said flatly. Later, he'd tell Samantha that he killed himself rather then be branded a paedophile, but right now he was too heartsore to say anymore.

Samantha drew Daniel against her tightly, wishing there was some way she could turn her love into a protective force. "I wish you'd have told me sooner," she said.

"And said what?" Daniel asked. He didn't need to say anymore ; Samantha appreciate how hard it had been for him to come here tonight. He must be really scared of losing her…

"You've hurt me, a lot," Samantha said. "I want you to see McKenzie – seriously, no half-assed crap that you've been doing." Which she knew about on account that McKenzie had complained about it between warnings to stay away.

Daniel nodded. There was something in Samantha's voice that made him think there was still hope for them. "And no more of your perversions. I mean that. If you pull any of that crap on me again, that's it, we're finished."

He looked at her hopefully. "You mean –?"

"You mean am I going to give you a second chance?" Samantha asked. "Yes. But just one, Daniel, I mean it – you screw me over again and that's it."

Daniel nodded. "I'm sorry," he said. He knew he couldn't apologise enough, it would always be something he could never make up to Samantha, but he could try. "I don't deserve you."

She stroked his hair. He looked so pitiful, almost broken… "You didn't deserve what he did to you," she corrected, and when she thought about it, she felt like crying herself. No-one should have to go through that. It was why she couldn't hate him for what he'd done to her. She understood now what memories Hathor had dredged up so she couldn't hate him – at least not right now.

"I want you to stay with me tonight," she said.

He looked at her with fear in his eyes. "I can't," he said pitifully. "I get nightmares."

"You had a nightmare tonight, that's why you came here?" Samantha asked. Daniel nodded. It must have been one hell of a bad dream to make him come to her house at three in the morning. "Then my being here isn't going to change anything."

"I don't want you to see me like that," he said softly.

"I've seen plenty of that side of you, Daniel," she reminded him gently. "I want you to stay so I know you're safe. We'll see McKenzie tomorrow, together, and see how he can help."

Daniel nodded, soothed by Samantha's calming, controlled words. Part of him was petrified of letting Samantha into his tortured mind. But another part, the part that was dominating right now, was glad to have her hear. She loved him, he knew that now – you only took the kind of crap from a person that Daniel had given Samantha and stood by them if you truly loved them – and for some reason, he found that calming.

Daniel found it difficult to sleep with Samantha, even more difficult then it was to sleep alone. It was a relief to have finally told her, but it created its own problems – like it all become more real, something he couldn't ignore anymore.

Samantha felt his anxiousness, knew it was because of her, and was pained because there was nothing she could do about it – other then be there for him, which, at the moment, seemed pretty ineffectual. She held his head against her chest, stroking his hair, which he seemed to find soothing. While he struggled to find sleep, she struggled to come to terms with what Daniel had told her.

Clearly, the therapy he'd gone to had helped him a lot, otherwise he would never have gotten clearance for the Stargate program. The military tended to frown on people who were likely to go mental in a mostly male environment – which explained why Daniel had been indefinitely grounded from going offworld.

Jack must have known, Samantha realised. He would have had to, as part of taking Daniel on his team. But Teal'c probably didn't, and Samantha could imagine a dozen scenarios where the Jaffa could have intruded on Daniel's personal space in his current state of mind, with disastrous consequences. She didn't know if Daniel had come to that conclusion himself, but there was no way he was in a position to work as part of a predominantly-male team in what were often high-stress situations.

That Jack must have known and didn't tell her, even though he knew about her relationship with Daniel, hurt Samantha. No, more like it frustrated her, because at the very lest, Jack, Hammond and McKenzie would have known, and they all let her struggle with his aggression as best she could. She supposed there was such thing as confidentiality but goddamnit, she should have been _told_.

They did kind of tell you, she reminded herself. They had all at some point told her it was in her best interest to stay away. And she had ignored him, because she loved Daniel. 

When Daniel was better, she was going to wrangle something _really_ good out of him for this. Like a five-star holiday to the Bahamas, at the very least.

Oh, who was she kidding? She was doing this because she loved him. Just so long as she got a little gratitude at the end of it, that was all she cared about. That, and Her Daniel. That was all she wanted. It had been all she ever wanted.

A thought occurred to her. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to…" she started apprehensively, thinking it was an inappropriate thing to bring up, but she was dying of curiosity.

"You want to know if I was faithful to Sha're."

In the short time she'd known him, she'd never been able to get one over him for long because he knew her way of thinking too well. It was kind of aggravating, but it was also kind of nice, because it showed that he knew her. "Yeah," she admitted. Daniel had more at less admitted being with one woman wasn't his thing. What did that say for them? She thought she could overlook his indiscretion with Janet (although she was planning to extract a heartfelt apology out of him over it) because he wasn't exactly in his right mind at the moment, but if playing the field was his nature, she didn't think she could put up with that.

"Sha're pretty much demanded fidelity from me," Daniel admitted. "I never cheated on her per se, but she caught me perving on her cousin once, and really gave me what for over it. She said I could have any woman I wanted, of I could have her, but not both. She could be pretty feisty when she wanted to be. I loved her, and I wanted her more then I wanted anyone else. It was a pretty easy decision once I put my mind to it."

"And if I made the same demand of you?" Samantha asked softly.

Daniel turned to face her. "I'm sorry about Janet, Sam," he said with quiet conviction. "Because it was a rotten thing to do and because I cheated on you. I swear it was the only time. I can be faithful if you want me to be."

"Of course I want you to be faithful, Daniel," Samantha chided him gently. "I think I can deal with _this_ – " she said, meaning his general crappy state of mind and the long hard road back to normalcy, " but I don't think I can deal with the idea of you and – other women." She could hear her voice breaking at the thought.

Daniel stroked her face gently. "I'm sorry about Janet," he said again, and she knew it was something he would feel remorse over for some time. "There won't be any other women, I promise. Only you."

She knew from the conviction in his voice that he was telling the truth. She knew that he loved her. She also knew that it wouldn't be easy to fix Daniel's damaged mind but she loved him and she knew, so long as he wanted to get better, that she had to see it through with him. _For better or worse_.

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The next day she practically had to drag him to the base. That he was apprehensive was an understatement to say the least. She knew he was worried because things had suddenly become a lot more real, which was why she was so determined to make him go. She thought if she cut him the smallest amount of slack he would bolt.

She held his hand tightly as they entered the base. "I don't think I can do this," he whispered, clearly anxious.

"If you don't do this I will leave," she said firmly. "I meant what I said last night, Daniel. No more crap. You accept help or you're on your own."

Her words had the desired affect ; she was a little touched that he feared losing her more then he feared facing his demons.

They went to McKenzie's office, who, needless to say, was surprised to see Samantha there – with Daniel in tow. He had been trying to connect with both of them, with little success. Daniel had resisted every attempt to tap into his damaged mind, and Samantha had seemed determined to ignore the fact there was something clearly wrong with Daniel. He wondered what had happened to change both their minds.

"Do you have a moment?" Samantha asked hopefully. Daniel just looked grim.

"Let me just make some arrangements," McKenzie said, and then he ordered his secretary to rearrange his morning so he could fit the two clearly troubled people in. He had been trying to connect with them for three months, damned if he was giving up the opportunity now. "Take a seat," he said.

Daniel and Samantha sat. "What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked pleasantly, although he had a fair idea. It was clear from their body language that Samantha had dragged Daniel here. Well, just the fact that he had come at all had to be something.

Daniel gripped Samantha's hand tightly, bending her fingers back and forth with some amount of force until Samantha winced with pain. "Sorry," he mumbled. He wouldn't look at either Samantha or McKenzie, rather, he stared at the wall.

"Daniel?" McKenzie prompted. "Is there something you wanted to say?"

"I raped Sam," he whispered hoarsely.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" McKenzie thought he'd heard Daniel correctly, but the ramifications were terrible to contemplate. Not that he was really surprised. He'd been trying to warn Samantha about Daniel for three months now but he'd been bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, and she'd been blinded by love.

"I SAID I RAPED SAM!" Daniel yelled, and McKenzie was glad he'd thought to have his walls soundproofed. You never knew who was snooping around. Clearly, the man was close to breaking point. Definitely Samantha who had made him come here. It wasn't an ideal solution, he would have preferred Daniel come of his own accord, but it was better then nothing, and it was clear the man was remorseful – and upset, and depressed, and generally troubled…

Over the next long and painful hour, Daniel, sometimes prompted by Samantha, related everything he'd done in the last three months, mainly concerning his relationship with Samantha and the feelings of powerlessness that fed his abusive streak… there were times that Samantha looked ready to break down herself, and she blanched visibly when Daniel came to the incident with Janet, but she kept holding his hand supportively. The woman was one tower of strength. Daniel was incredibly lucky to have her.

When Daniel was finished, McKenzie turned to Samantha. "Captain Carter, I'd like to speak to Daniel alone for a while," he said. "Would you mind…?"

Samantha stood up. "Of course not," she said. Truth be told, she would be glad to take a break from this depressing atmosphere. It had only been an hour and already she was beginning to understood why Daniel would rather let his abusive side take control then face his demons. Besides, there was someone she needed to talk to.

She made her way down to the infirmary, where Janet spent most of her time. "Hey," she greeted her friend.

Janet certainly looked more composed then she had yesterday, but then, Samantha hadn't exactly been at her finest either. "Hey you," Janet said. "How are things going?"

She meant _did you talk to Daniel?_ so Samantha decided to get straight into it. "Daniel told me what happened to him – why he's been acting the way he has. Normally I wouldn't be telling you, but I figured you had a right to know…"

She launched into Daniel's story, giving Janet the most abridged version she could. As she had told Janet, normally she wouldn't even have told her, but Janet had a right to know, given she too had been a victim of Daniel's abuse. And Samantha needed Janet to understand why she was staying with Daniel. For three months, she had put up with his abuse with no-one telling her the full story ; she wouldn't put Janet through that same frustration.

For several minutes, Janet listened in horror as she was filled in on Daniel's sordid history. "I had no idea…" she said when Samantha was finished. She had momentarily forgotten the abuse he had inflicted on her – not to mention Samantha – in light of his own suffering.

"No-one did," Samantha said. "Well, not many. He said Hammond, Jack and McKenzie knew, part of his security clearance. And he chose to keep it from everyone else. I can kind of understand it, but…"

"He should have told you," Janet offered. Samantha nodded. "You're a stronger woman then I am, Sam." Or maybe a weaker one, but Janet wasn't about to say that. "You must really love him."

Samantha nodded. "I do," she admitted. "I know he's done some rotten things, Jan, but I can't walk away from him – I love him and he needs me."

"I can see that," Janet said wryly. "So what do you want from me? My blessing?" She might have gained a better insight into why Daniel had been acting the way he had, but his assault on her was still quite fresh in her memory. She couldn't give her permission to the relationship just yet.

"No," Samantha said. It was obvious Janet had her doubts and wasn't about to give them her blessing. She was disappointed, although it was to be expected, and Samantha knew it her heart that she was doing the right thing. It wasn't just that Daniel needed her, which he did, it was that she loved him more then anything in the world. She had to see him through this, or at least try. "I just thought I'd let you know why he's been acting the way he has – so maybe you don't hate him as much."

Rather then deal with the awkward silence that would ensue, Samantha chose that moment to make her exit. She took a long walk around the base to give McKenzie and Daniel a little more time before she made her way to the psychiatrist's office.

Daniel was already gone when Samantha returned, something she had been hoping for. She had a feeling Daniel would want to be left a alone for a little while. She imagined whatever had gone on in McKenzie's office had been confronting.

"Captain Carter, sit down," McKenzie said when he saw Samantha. Samantha sat. McKenzie consulted his notes before saying, "Daniel wanted me to go over with you the same things that I went over with him. He requested some time by himself to soak it in, so I think you should leave him be fore a day."

Samantha nodded. "I can manage that," she said. "So what – what exactly is… the problem?" It felt like such a poor choice of words, but she didn't know what else to call it.

"In a nutshell, Daniel's deeply depressed, among other things. His experiences in his third foster home have all come back to the surface because of the incident with Hathor. If it had been _just_ about his foster father or _just_ about Hathor, that would have been easy enough to deal with but the two together, well, his mind just couldn't handle it. He's highly strung-out and harbouring feelings of helplessness – I'm sure you're intelligent enough to work out that what's been fuelling his aggressiveness."

Samantha nodded slightly ; she had figured that out for herself. It was why she was able to forgive Daniel for his actions. "Is he – is he going to be OK?" she asked tentatively, afraid that the answer wouldn't be what she wanted to hear.

"With the right treatment, in time, yes I think so," McKenzie said, much to Samantha's relief. "As much as he was before this happened. What Daniel went through with his foster father, you never fully get over. What we can do is help him get to a point where he can function like he did before."

"And what will that involve?"

"A lot of intensive therapy. He'll be grounded in the meantime, of course. And I've prescribed him a cocktail of medications, including an anti-depressant. I may as well tell you now, it will kill his sex drive."

"You mean… make him impotent?" Samantha asked. The idea of Daniel not being able to perform was unfathomable.

"Not quite. If he were impotent, the desire would be their, just not the ability. This way, he won't be interested at all. It will certainly go a long way to curbing his sexual aggression, but it will create a few problems of its own. He won't be interested in sex, but he'll probably be frustrated that he won't be able to satisfy you. There will probably be times when he'll be paranoid about your relationships with other men, and how you deal with that si up to you, but I thought I'd give you fair warning."

Samantha nodded. She was grateful McKenzie was going through Daniel's treatment and recovery with her, after the last three months of not knowing what was going on in his head it was good to be included, but it was hard to imagine what was ahead for him – for them. But it made her aware of how hard the next few months was going to be – and maybe longer then that.

For some reason, the idea of Daniel not being able to perform seemed the worst of everything. At least it would give her the relief she'd been seeking from his cruelty, but she couldn't imagine him in such a sorry state. His sexuality was important to him… and to her. She didn't know how he'd handle it – how _they'd_ handle it.

_But we have to_, she told herself, her resolved strengthening. She knew, then, that she loved Daniel with all her heart, or else she wouldn't go through this with him. _For better or worse_. "I understand," she said. "Thankyou for telling me what to expect."

It was clear to McKenzie that Samantha was struggling to accept how hard the next few months was going to be, although her resolve to deal with it was strong. "This is going to be hard for you," he told her bluntly. "You're a very courageous woman, Captain Carter, and you much love Daniel a lot to go through this with him."

Samantha nodded. "I do," she admitted. "Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I do. I can't help that, I have to do this with him."

McKenzie nodded. He had never seen resolve so strong as he was seeing with Samantha. There was no doubt in his mind that she loved him. You didn't endure what Daniel had done to her and be willing to see them through their recovery without loving them to distraction. "My door is always open, if you want to talk," he offered. He had a feeling Samantha would be needing it.

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The weeks went by, and then the months. Daniel's recovery was slow and often frustrating. McKenzie often said to Samantha that it would have been much easier if Daniel had simply accepted the help he needed after Hathor's assault ; as it stood, the result of his manifestations in the ensuring three months were much harder to work through then any fallout from the assault would have been.

"He feels a _lot_ of remorse for what he did to you, that's one of the main things," McKenzie said to Samantha one day. "He doesn't understand why you're being so supportive. He doesn't think he deserves that kind of love."

There was no point in Samantha trying to convince Daniel that she loved him, although the proof should have been in that she was seeing him through this dark chapter of his life. They were now living together, and there were days when things almost seemed OK. The medication he was on had made him less enthusiastic, like someone had dimmed the lights that powered him just a little, but there were some days things seemed almost normal. They would talk for hours and it felt like there was a real connection. Some nights, when they'd been up talking for a while and he felt particularly comfortable with her, he would share small details of his foster father's assault on him and the trauma it had caused. It was hard for Samantha to listen to but she appreciate what it meant for Daniel to open up to her like that.

Their relationship wasn't sexual, but he was still attentive and affectionate, more so then he had been when their relationship _was_ sexual. The lack of sex could be frustrating at times but Samantha put her best into making it a non-issue. She vowed she would not remind Daniel that he was not the man he once was. And anyway, it was only a temporary thing, albeit a very long temporary thing.

Things seemed to be improving, albeit slowly, when something happened that made Daniel slowly distance himself from her. It happened so gradually that Samantha didn't pinpoint exactly what it was, although it was something specific.

She had gone out with some of the Stargate Command team members, Jack, Teal'c and some of the guys from SG-4, including Major Charles Marshall, who had made no secret of his attraction to her. He'd proceed to hit on her all night, ignoring her increasingly unsubtle references to her boyfriend.

"If he's so great, why isn't he here?" Marshall asked when Samantha, losing patience, told him she wasn't the least bit interested and she had a boyfriend who she loved waiting for her at home. Marshall smirked. "I hear he's completely loopy. He can't possibly satisfy you, not like I can." And with that, he kissed her, persistent and overpowering. She felt like she would choke as he shoved his tongue down her throat.

She pushed him away violently and told him in no uncertain terms what she thought of him and that if he came onto her again, she'd scream harassment. She couldn't believe how little respect some people had for relationships.

She told Jack she was going ; she couldn't stand to be near Marshall for another minute. She couldn't wait to get home to Daniel and out of her clothes, which reeked of the cologne Marshall had applied liberally. _What did he do, shower in it before he got dressed?_ Samantha asked herself, making a face as she inhaled again. Ech.

She entered their house- it had made sense for Daniel to move into her house then her to move into his apartment – and paused in the doorway of their bedroom, poking her head around the door. "Hey," she said. "I'm just going to have a shower, all that smoke is just clinging to me, and I'll be there." Then she headed straight for the laundry, where she stripped off her clothes and stuffed them in the washing basket before stepping into the shower.

She had only partly been telling the truth about the smoke clinging to her body ; she didn't like sleeping with it, but usually it didn't matter immediately. She usually spent a few minutes with Daniel before having a shower, but she knew if he smelled the cologne on her it would upset him. He'd belief her when she told him what had happened, that Marshall had come onto her and she'd told him off in no uncertain terms, but it would remind him that he wasn't able to be the man he wanted to be. Samantha decided it wasn't worth upsetting him over, especially when he was making such progress lately. McKenzie had said there was a possibility he might start easing Daniel off the anti-depressants in a month if things kept going as well as they were. Samantha didn't want to jeopardise his recovery, not when the end was in sight.

Daniel knew as soon as she kept to the doorframe that something was up. It was true that Samantha didn't like the feel of secondhand smoke on her skin that she always got from hanging out in bars with Jack, but she always came close to him for a hug, a massage before she got into the shower.

Something was up. The cocktail of medication he was on made him feel like he was only ever three-quarters there, to everyone else he was still as brilliant as ever – which really only meant he was still smarter then them – but he himself knew he wasn't as sharp as he should be. It was frustrating, and sometimes it was all he could do not to flush everything he was supposed to be taking down the toilet just so he could think clearly.

His ability – or lack thereof – to think clearly wasn't nearly as frustrating as his inability to make Samantha happy. That his sex drive was completely dead didn't particularly bother him, the desire simply wasn't there, which he supposed was better then being impotent. No, what frustrated him was that he _knew_ Samantha missed it, and he couldn't do anything about it. Oh, she said in dozens of subtle ways that she didn't mind, and no doubt there was part of that was relieved he was no longer being cruel, but she had to miss it. He _knew_ how good he'd made her feel, it had been one of the reasons she'd put up with his crap, and it had been months now since he'd touched her sexually. She had to be frustrated. And he was frustrated because he couldn't make her happy, not in the way he wanted to be able to.

He made his way to the laundry while Samantha was having a shower and retrieved the clothes she'd been wearing. The smell of cologne hit him almost as soon as he entered the laundry ; either she hadn't been aware as to how bad it was, or she hadn't thought it through that well because if she really hadn't wanted to be caught, she would have washed her clothes immediately.

There it was, tangible proof. Samantha was having an affair.

It hurt Daniel more then he'd expected it to. The way he saw it, he had no right to expect fidelity from Samantha. It was enough that she shared a bed with him every night, that she was there whenever he wanted to talk, and kept quiet when he didn't. Love wasn't just about monogamy, especially not the love Daniel needed right now – and the love he was able to give. He couldn't make Samantha happy in bed, so he shouldn't have been hurt to discover that she'd found happiness elsewhere.

That's what he told himself. But the reality was somewhat different. He was devastated at the thought of Samantha with another man. His brain told him he had no right to expect fidelity from her when she'd already given him so much ; his heart felt like it was dying.

He felt tears spring to his eyes, and he wiped them away hurriedly. He wouldn't let Samantha know that he knew. If she was seeing someone else, it was only a sexual thing, he was smart enough to know that. He knew Samantha loved him, but he also knew that she needed sexual satisfaction – satisfaction that he couldn't give her. He couldn't hold it against her that she was getting it from someone else. He wouldn't make her feel guilty over it. She had already given him too much, he wouldn't demand more of her.

He went back to their bedroom and settled back down as best as he could, even though his mind was racing with thoughts of Samantha with another man. When Samantha came to bed, she noticed there was something different about Daniel, but she chalked it up to his moodiness. His moods often changed from minute to minute, although the further along in his therapy he got, the less wildly he swung. So she didn't take any notice of it when Daniel wasn't interested in doing anything but going to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, there was a very gradual change in Daniel's behaviour. Though he tried hard to forget about Samantha's infidelity, he couldn't entirely get over it. Every man he saw her with, he wondered if that was him. Everytime she touched him, he wondered if she really wanted to be with him. He wondered if she was only with him out of loyalty or obligation.

So he became more and more distant towards Samantha and made it clear to McKenzie that anything he said about her was not to be passed on. Then he confessed that he thought she was seeing another man. Now that he knew what to look for, he picked up the same cologne several times, never as obvious as the first time, but often there, whenever she went out with 'Jack and the guys' – was that just code for her secret lover? Everytime she said she'd gone out with Jack, had she really been with _him_? The thought made his heart ache everytime it occurred to him. And it occurred to him a lot, he couldn't help it. He loved Samantha, and the idea of her being with someone else made his heart break.

He told McKenzie what he knew, and McKenzie had to admit, it was possible Samantha could be seeing someone else. Unfortunately, Daniel had made it very clear that he wasn't to pass the information along – usually, he was pretty good about McKenzie discussing his progress with Samantha so Samantha knew what she was dealing with – so McKenzie couldn't follow it up with Samantha.

"It's _really hard_," he admitted in one session where the thought of Samantha and someone else had reduced him to tears. "I _want_ to be able to make her happy, but these damn drugs…"

"Those 'damn drugs' are keeping you from harming yourself – or others," McKenzie pointed out. Daniel knew that, but there were days when he found it hard to believe that the alternative of being doped up were as dire as McKenzie said they were…

One day, he decided it was time to talk to Janet. He had been putting it off for over two months, always intending to do it, until he decided it was time to take the bull by the horns. And maybe Janet would know something about Samantha.

He went to see her in the infirmary, because he figured she would feel safer in such a public place. As it was, she looked a little frightened and wary when she saw him. He hadn't been injured in ages, so he'd had no reason to see her. Except for apologising for what he'd done to her, of course.

"I can go if you want, but I think we need to talk," he said.

It was on the tip of Janet's tongue to order him out of her infirmary, but it wasn't exactly 'her' infirmary and besides, Daniel looked pretty harmless. Samantha had said he was on a cocktail of drugs that had made him duller, less vibrant. She almost felt sorry for him. "OK," she agreed cautiously. "Talk."

"Jan, I'm _really_ sorry about what I did," Daniel said, and even Janet could tell that he was being sincere. "I was – well, I'm sure Sam's told you about that." There was a distant, haunted look in his eyes. Janet knew not to mention it in detail.

"She has," Janet said. "It must have been awful for you. That's why I didn't press charges. But what you did, Daniel – it was humiliating. I was only trying to help and you – you –" she broke off abruptly as a lump began to form in her throat. It had been three months since Daniel's assault on her and it was still fresh in her memory. She was seeing McKenzie about it and slowly getting over it, but she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to trust Daniel again.

Daniel restrained himself for hugging Janet, which was what he really wanted to do. He wanted to apologise over and over and hug her as a friend. But he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't sure if she would ever be able to trust him again, at least, not in the same way she used to. Funnily, it was seeing Janet's reaction to him that unnerved him more then Samantha's had. Maybe because Janet was a lot more unforgiving then Samantha had been.

"I'm sorry," he said helplessly. "I'll be sorry for the rest of my life, Jan. I was rotten to you and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you. I just came to tell you that I'm sorry and if there's anything I can do… "

"Don't push it," Janet offered. She could see Daniel was itching to hug her, and she was grateful he was restraining himself. "You need to give me time – as much as I need. You need to earn my trust again."

Daniel nodded. It was only as much as he'd expected ; more, even. She could have sworn she would hate him forever and do everything to undermine his relationship with Samantha. "I can do that," he said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," she said, something occurring to her and she transformed from a victim into a mother lion. "You do anything to hurt Sam and I'll have you castrated."

Daniel laughed a little bitterly. "I don't know if Sam's told you, but there's not much I _can_ do," he said sadly.

Samantha _had_ told her, and Janet's reaction was that Daniel deserved it, maybe a few months of abstinence would do him good. But seeing him now, he was looking pretty sorry for himself, and she couldn't but feel a little sorry for him. Relenting a little, Janet said, "she's very happy with you, you know. I don't know why, but she is."

"Even though I can't satisfy her?" Daniel countered.

Now Janet _really_ felt sorry for him, despite herself. "Sex isn't everything," she said, and the words rang hollow. She knew what sex with Daniel was like, and that had been just the once. She could only imagine how Samantha was feeling, sharing the same bed with a man who had proven his virility without actually having sex, or any sexual activity. It would be like turning into an old married couple overnight.

Daniel's laugh was even more bitter. "That's just something women say to make men who can't perform feel better," he said, and Janet couldn't deny the truth in that. It was harder and harder to be angry at Daniel, when it was obvious he was much more a victim of this sorry situation then she or Samantha was.

"Samantha loves you, Daniel," Janet said softly. "You shouldn't underestimate the power of love."

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A few weeks later, Samantha was reading in bed when Daniel came out of the bathroom. He was wearing a robe under what she assumed was his pyjamas, looking very clean. She loved the smell of him just after he'd had a shower, and she was looking forward to a cuddle. It had been a while since they'd been intimate, even in the almost platonic capacity that Daniel was capable of. It was funny, she had though she'd missed sex, but it turned out she missed that intimacy even more. She had tried to talk about it but he wouldn't talk to her. She'd asked McKenzie, but with uncharacteristic vagueness, he'd said Daniel was fine, it was just something he had to work through.

Daniel sat next to her and drew her into his arms. He kissed her on the mouth, and at first she was surprised because he hadn't kissed her like that in months – it was always on the cheek, on the forehead. It took her a few moments to respond to Daniel's kiss, but slowly she opened her mouth and kissed him back. Their tongues met, and their kisses quickly became passionate, sexually charged. She began to whimper in delight when Daniel's hands moved down her arms, his touched creating sparks that ran from her skin all the way through her body. She closed her eyes and enjoyed Daniel's touch, making appreciative murmurs when he slipped his hand under her pyjama top, caressing her skin. It had been so long since Daniel had touched her like this, and her body was craving it. So long – since before he'd started taking his meds…

Pushing Daniel off her, Samantha sat up, her heart sinking as she realised what it was. There was no other explanation for his sudden behaviour. "Daniel," she said. "Have you stopped taking your anti-depressants?"

Acknowledgment was written all over his face. "I want to make you happy," he said pitifully.

"You do make me happy, Daniel," Samantha replied. The tone in his voice broke her heart. She knew not being able to perform was a blow to Daniel's ego, but she hadn't realised how desperate he had become.

"Not sexually, I don't," he pointed out, and Samantha had no argument for that. "I know that you're seeing someone else," he blurted out. "I wanted you all to myself."

Samantha stared at Daniel. "You think I'm cheating on you?" she asked incredulously.

"That night you came home and you stayed in the doorway, you didn't come for a hug – I checked your clothes, I smelled the cologne," he admitted. "And after that I picked up the same cologne so I know you've been seeing someone. I know it was wrong but I had to know. I wanna satisfy you, Sam. I can't stand the thought of you with another guy. I know that's wrong of me, I have no right to demand anything of you, but that's just the way I feel."

His words were so heartbreaking that Samantha found it impossible to hold Daniel's actions against him. He had snooped, true, but she supposed she had given him good reason. "Daniel, I swear there's no-one else. That cologne – you know Major Marshall, don't you? From SG-4? That night he'd been coming onto me all night and then he kissed me, that's why I smelled of it. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd get upset. I know how you feel about – not being able to… _perform_. But it's something I've handled Daniel, I swear I haven't been with anyone else. Do you believe me?"

Daniel nodded. For some reason, he did. "You're a fool," he said. "You should have left me ages ago."

"Maybe, but I love you, I can't leave you," Samantha admitted. "For better of worse, OK?" Daniel nodded pitifully. She brought him into his arms ; it was the most intimate they had been in a while but he accepted her embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her, not wanting to let her go.

"I love you Sam," he cried into her chest. "I don't deserve you but I don't know what I'd do without you."

She stroked his hair reassuringly. "I love you too," she murmured. "And I'm not going to leave. But I want you to start taking your anti-depressants again, OK? McKenzie says you're really close to recovery, too close to blow it now."

Daniel nodded slightly against her chest, the tears flowing freely from his eyes. Samantha didn't care ; it was the most emotion he'd shown in weeks. "It's OK, baby," she whispered as she stroked his hair, something he seemed to find soothing – or maybe it was just her words, her presence. "It's going to be OK."

And somehow, she knew it would be.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – Epilogue A year later… 

Samantha drifted awake slowly as the sun streaming in from the window. She stretched lazily. She'd had such a good sleep, and such a good night before that…

She opened her eyes to see Daniel looked down at her, propped up on one elbow. "Good morning, beautiful," he said, kissing her on the lips. "How are you?"

Samantha smiled. "You know damn well I'm feeling terrific, _Mister_ Jackson," she purred. She stretched deliberately, letting the sheet fall away from her naked body. She got a thrill from the way Daniel's eyed widened to take in every inch of her naked body. It had been almost a year since they'd been having sex again, but he never tired of admiring her – and of making love to her. Come to think of it, she never tired of it either.

He leaned over to kiss her deeply, passionately, letting his hands wander her body freely. Instantly, she responded. She and Daniel had already made love three times the night before but the thing with Daniel was, she always wanted more.

It had been a hard year, especially at first. Looking back, Samantha didn't know how she'd done it. Two years ago, she wouldn't have thought herself capable of the strength it had taken to see Daniel through the darkest period of his life. She had come to accept that it was something that would always haunt him, but every day, it haunted him a little less.

Especially when he had a wife who was devoted to him, a wife who was determined to see him happy, determined to keep the demons at bay as much as was humanly possible – and sometimes, as McKenzie had noted to see them together and what a positive influence Samantha had on Daniel, _more_ then was humanly possible.

Marriage had always been on the cards, especially when he turned a corner in his therapy after that day when he'd confronted her about her 'infidelity'. But even though she'd said she didn't care – and she'd meant it – he'd wanted to be the kind of husband she deserved from him. He wouldn't marry her until he felt that he could be that husband.

And here they were – honeymooning in the Bahamas. She had once joked that after it was all over, he owed her this trip. She hadn't meant it, but a few weeks ago he'd surprised her with tickets to the tropical island. "I can never pay you pay for what you've given me," he'd said humbly. "But maybe you can consider this a start."

Yes, she thought as she enjoyed Daniel's touch, it was a start. It was the start to a new life, every day a step further from Daniel's pain. It was the start of something new, the start of hope that they could move on from the demons that had threatened to tear them apart – together.


End file.
